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Is it wrong of me to change my sons surname from his dads to mine?

My son is 15 months old his dad hasn't been apart of his life since he was 3 weeks old as I found out he was cheating on me and had been for a while. Despite this I still wanted my son to know his dad and his dad said he still wanted to be a part of his life. I have given him opportunity after opportunity to spend time with his son but he never did. The Last time i msged to see if he wanted to see him was aug n I'm still waiting for a reply... No happy first birthday, merry Christmas not even a msg askin how his son is. To me he has made it pretty clear he doesn't want to be apart of his sons life. This is why I want to change his last name to mine Do you think this is wrong of me to do this? I was also wondering if any one has been through this and how I would go about it and is it hard to do this.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Dec. 30, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • It's not wrong at all but I'm not sure of the process at this point. Many attorneys will offer you a free consultation. I'd choose a family attorney and ask all the questions you have.
    Brawn

    Answer by Brawn at 11:58 PM on Dec. 30, 2013

  • Are you getting any child support? If not, why? If you are, would changing his last name cause problems with child support? I would tallk to a lawyer.
    musicmaker

    Answer by musicmaker at 11:59 PM on Dec. 30, 2013

  • I think you may need his dad's permission to have it be an easy task. He is too young to know really either way.
    Even though he is not actively involved I hope you have filed for child support. It does not matter if you currently need the money for support or not. Stash it in an account. It is his responsibility to take financial care of his child whether he sees him or not.

    If you happen to be independently wealthy you may go through so legal proceedings to absolve him of an connection in exchange for changing his name.

    I do have to wonder why you feel the need.

    This is just curiosity since I have never been in your situation.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:00 AM on Dec. 31, 2013

  • I do have to wonder why you feel the need.

    dad hasn't been apart of his life since he was 3 weeks old, No happy first birthday, merry Christmas not even a msg askin how his son is.
    Ramble_on

    Answer by Ramble_on at 12:15 AM on Dec. 31, 2013

  • I agree w/ doing a consult w/ an attorney. Some states may want him to sign off on the name change. Not to sound mean, but unless you are married, if you have any more children, I would give the child your own last name. As you've learned already, you know you will be a constant in your child's life. There's no guarantees w/ the father(s) I also agree about discussing custody & child support w/ the attorney, if that hasn't already been established. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:17 AM on Dec. 31, 2013

  • Were you married to this guy? Is he on the BC? Best to talk to a Lawyer.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:22 AM on Dec. 31, 2013

  • I don't think it's necessarily wrong of you, but I can tell you this. I have done it, changing both of my sons last name from my ex-husband's last name to my maiden name. You will need his permission to get it changed. You *might* be able to convince a judge even if he doesn't agree, but chances are, if the father doesn't agree to it, it'll be a no-go. And no matter how uninvolved he is, I'd be willing to bet that he's going to fight you on a name change. Which means stress, and lots of money coming out of your pocket. Before you follow through on this plan, I would seriously ask yourself if the stress and expense are really worth spending for something that, in your particular case, is somewhat trivial. I understand why you feel this way, but I don't personally think it would be worth the stress and the money.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:35 AM on Dec. 31, 2013

  • if the father is on BC and agrees to it, then you can in a court of law

    if you were never Married AND father not on BC, then i think you can without father agreeing

    if you and father have been to court for custody and/or cs, then betting have to go to court for name change too

    need to ask a lawyer
    good luck
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:21 AM on Dec. 31, 2013

  • Too many unknowns here, were you married, is there a custody agreement, is dad listed on the birth certificate, what state are you in? Without that information there are too many possible answers as to the difficulty.

    Personally I do not feel you are wrong in wanting to do it though but you need to talk to a lawyer to find out for your particular situation how much stress and money it will cost you and if that is worth it to you.
    aeneva

    Answer by aeneva at 12:35 PM on Dec. 31, 2013

  • No we were never married. His name is On his birth cert... No He doesn't pay child support I have rang them n they can not get hold of him or find him... There is also no custody agreements in place. I just feel if he is not in his life that he should have my last name.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:44 AM on Jan. 1, 2014

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