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did you come from..

an abused home? How has it affected you growing up? How has it played a role as you being a parent? Do you feel like getting things off your chest? Please do so anon if you like.

I am. I watched my father beat my mother and do the same to his new woman and kids and fondle them and they are still together! He liked to hit us with a belt too. It affected me a great deal. I didn't trust anyone, had only a few friends and I let people bully me around till my 20's.

I would never hurt my children and always put them first and I will never let anyone try to hurt them either. I think sometimes I am over protective of my children but I let them be who they are. I want them to grow up in a loving home with two parents who love each other and not hurt each other. I want them to be independent and be respectful of others. I want them to have a loving and stable relationship.

I didn't know where to post this so I just used GP.

 
Christine0813

Asked by Christine0813 at 9:27 AM on Feb. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 27 (29,705 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I was never abused as a child but did see the effects of abuse in relation to my cousin that we ended up having custody of. He was abused by his mom and dad and eventually after multiple cps involvement my mom was given custody of my cousin and we raised him. It was too late though by then he was already damaged and still is and hes in his 40s.
    The way it affected me was just being able to see what abuse does to a child in the long term, drug use, mental illness, run ins with the law etc. It made me more appreciative of my mom who was a therapist and the way she disciplined me and made me understand I would in turn raise my kids the same way I was raised.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:33 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • my home life and yours sound like our fathers could be brothers, except mine was a drunk too. I have grown children now but there are times I still wake up with nightmares hearing my mothers scream as he beat her. Way back then it was a lot harder for a woman to leave, especially a woman with 5 kids. It affects everyday of my life. I am painfully shy, I don't trust many people. Until I got help when my own kids were little I continued the cycle of violence. The day I saw myself spanking my son way too hard something just broke open inside me. I had to get help or leave my kids. My husband has been the best thing in my life. He taught me how to love. How to be a whole person really.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Well, where to begin:) Yes I was very abused growing up. My father beat my mother. My mother is an alcoholic and beat us kids regularly for any reason she could think of. I had 7 no thats not a typo 7 step fathers who all but one was abusive. I grew up knowing I would be the one to break the pattern and Im proud to say I have done exactly that. My son is 21 yrs old and has never been hit by me or anyone else I was involved with. I did suffer throgh many ugly relationship issues and I still suffer some parenting issues with my step son but overall, by the grace of God, I think I turned out very well. I must say though it did take me many many yrs to get my head straight. In fact Im 42 and just in the past 6 yrs of my life, I have been able to forgive and move on. I must give most thanks to God and my wonderful husband for that. continued....
    mom_wrhsc

    Answer by mom_wrhsc at 9:45 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I do not attend church and never have as an adult but I know there is no other logical explanation for my tremendous recovery then God was with me the whole time.
    mom_wrhsc

    Answer by mom_wrhsc at 9:46 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I am very proud of you Chris. Takes much courage to not go anon. I am not saying that posts should not be anon. You have every right to post anon especially where this subject is concerned. Everyone heals dfferently than others. And they should as each life is different. My father cheated on my mother over and over. She even caught him kissing anther woman. He was even able to convice her that she mistaken what she saw. She had 5 children to think about and that is all that mattered to her. (Anon 935, its quite understandable where your mother is concerned) When they finally split, my mother asked for child support, then my "father" kidnapped us and took us to NC. After 3 months we finally came home. He sent a letter to my mother saying "Ask for child support again". We never saw him again. He made his point. He passed away a few years ago. Not to sure how to feel about it still.
    Pffft

    Answer by Pffft at 9:49 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I wasn't physically abused but I was neglected and emotionally abused by my mother. My father and her divorced when I was about 10 and she just emotionally couldn't handle life. She wanted to hurt my dad so badly that she used me and my brothers to do it. She left me home alone all night while she went out drinking and dancing and then wouldn't let me go stay with my dad, who really wanted me there with him. She threatened to kill him and herself and just couldn't get a grip on reality. It took many years for her to get stable and though we have made ammends and forgiveness is there, the damage effected me for a long time. I still work at it sometimes. My mother isn't the same person and I know that. I have tried to do better for my kids by working very hard at my relationship with my husband to create stability for my children. My father is a very loving person. He made mistakes but he had a firm discipline hand...not abuse.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 11:10 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I was abuse psychologically, so a bit differently than most. Nothing I did was ever good enough and I watched my mother physically beat my brothers when they misbehaved. I was always scared. I feared doing badly in school because my mother would rip me a new one when I brought a C home, Bs were barely acceptable. I had to be better than everyone else. And on top of this I had to raise myself when my brothers moved out and my little sisters when they were born. My mother didn't raise any of us and made us raise ourselves and each other. I also watched my mother verbally abuse my step-father all the time.

    So now I make sure my husband knows how much I love and appreciate him. I do not pressure my sons to be better than anyone else. I do make my older son help with the younger one except for when he wants to and it is things like throwing out an occasional diaper for me or grabbing the pacifier.
    purpleducky

    Answer by purpleducky at 12:33 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • My DH was horribly neglected as a kid...it is a battle for him sometimes...dealing with his wounded inner child...but he is a work in progress and I give him much credit for that.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:35 PM on Feb. 20, 2009