Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

i hate that my SO smokes!!!!!

i've always said something about it but now im starting to be more firm. it doesnt seem to be doing any good. we just end up having really nasty arguments. hie excuse is his smoking supports jobs. wtf it also supports killing hisself and conflict in our relationship. then i really dont understand why he smokes. his mom passed away before we met and i later found out it was because she had asthma and some kind of pulmonary something she got from smoking and one day she had an asthma attack and it flaired up the pulmonary thing and it killed her. that would be enough for me to never want to see a cigarrette in my life. does anyone have any advice on how to help him? please, thx

Answer Question
 
JuJu_Bean

Asked by JuJu_Bean at 9:44 AM on Feb. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • he wont quit till he is ready u yelling makes it worse makes him mad which makes him want another smoke.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I have several family members who have breathing problems, some were long term smokers. You can watch someone else get sick and fight for their lives but until it happens to you, you can't feel the full effect of what they're going thru.
    If you married a smoker, then you should leave him alone about it. If and when he's ready he'll quit but you nagging about it isn't going to do anything but stress him and make him want more nicotine.
    Having said that, I tried and tried and tried to quit when I saw family members get sick, I tried to quit when my oldest child told me I was going to get sick and die.
    It took me being in the hospital to make me give it 100% effort to stop. So far I'm just under a month of my last cigarette and it does feel good but prepare yourself for the bear that he will be if he ever does try to stop (I want to hide from myself on some days even with the patch on)
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:49 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • thats wonderful lisa ann p i hope you will to continue to be smoke free and live healthier. i nkow i shouldnt be naggin but i really want him to stop before its to late, then i'll be blaming myself for not pushing him more and theres no tellin when he will decide to stop. i just idk he already coughs ALL the time im so worried. we've known each other for 3yrs but i dont think he's been smoking the whole time. if he was, he was hiding for a while.
    JuJu_Bean

    Answer by JuJu_Bean at 9:56 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I was a smoker for 20 years and my husband hated it. But he never treated me bad because I smoked. He would just tell me he wanted me around later in life. If he had nagged me, it would have made me want to smoke more. Since you have never smoked you just don't understand. He is ADDICTED to it. When he thinks he won't or can't smoke anymore it just makes him want to all the more. Do you have kids? That's what got me motivated to quit. I want to be around for grandkids. Good luck. And go easy on him, I know it's frustrating. I am kind of going thru the same thing with my husband. His cholesterol and BP are high and I have tried to get him to exercise and eat right, but you can't make someone change lifelong habits. They have to want to do it. Good luck.
    GMR

    Answer by GMR at 9:56 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • My husband doesn't smoke but he dips tobacco. It's so gross. I have managed to get him to stop leaving spit cups around and now he just spits in the sink so our son can't get his hands on it like if he left a cup sitting out. I worry about mouth cancer. There is a high risk when you dip like he does. He has tried to quit many times and he turns into this terrible monster. Neither of us like the person he becomes when he tries to quit. I even tried to tell him I wouldn't have sex with him until he quit again but that didn't work. I can't just go up and kiss him anytime I want. It takes all the adventure out of our romance. "Hey hunny, go brush your teeth so I can kiss you" takes the fun out of things. I have given up. I am done fighting with him over it. I know one day he will quit but I can't make him. Maybe when our son is older and tells him to, he will. Until then, I just make a big deal about how gross it is
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • u need to get past it u are married if u knew he smoked b4 u got married than u shouldnt have married him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I agree that he won't quit until he's ready. I quit back in April of 2008. My husband continued smoking up until late last year. Finally he went out & bought "the patch" and has now fully quit. But we were both ready when we quit. That's the only way it'll work.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 10:21 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Did he smoke before you got together? If so, why did you go out with him? Why is everyone CONSTANTLY trying to change everyone else. Why don't you just accept him for what and who he is and not what you want him to be.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I used to smoke...alot...and stopped on my own...I would love for my husband to quit, but he will quit on his own time..Me pressuring him would only urge hm to keep doing it...I just let him know, not around me or son ( he already knew that) , and not in the house..Hes pretty good about it. .But i noticed, when people kept nudging me to quit, i really didnt bother listenting...if anything if annoyed me so bad , and out of ignorance i kept doing it...I quit on my own..He will do it on his own time..
    aMbeR012005

    Answer by aMbeR012005 at 12:06 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • lisa ann p I want to encourage you to join quitnet.com put in the day oyou quit and it will give you awesome feedback. I have been quit about 150 days and I never thought i could quit. My first week I layed on the the coch and creid a few times because it was such a part of the things I do, nbut I was tired of trying to sneak away from my daughter but she always knew. I just felt guilty. the website will tell you how much money you saved, days quit, days added to your life and other positive results of your quiting. Congrats I know how hard it is. I am going to print my stats and take them on my spring break trip so Im not tempted with other smokers around.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:21 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.