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am i just paranoid?

recently my husband reconnected with an old friend on facebook. they never dated, but he told me he used to really like her alot before he met me. anyway, she is visiting from out of town this week, and hes been hanging out with her. when she first got here we were supposed to go together to hang out with her, but he said he didn't want me to go with him because i get jealous. he wasn't just meeting her, it was a group of his old friends. and i was like, yes i am insecure about myself, but if you are meeting with other friends, what is there for me to be jealous of?so we had to pick our daughter up from his moms and he asked it it was ok for her to keep her longer so he could meet up with his friends. she said ok and he didn't even ask if i wanted to go with him. instead i ended up staying at his moms house while my daughter slept.and him being out till after 2am.left at 10:30 when he said he was only gonna be gone for an hour

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Feb. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • .when he finally picked me up from his moms he asked “are you made at me?” of course I was mad. That was on Monday Tuesday after he got off work he called and said he was going to a movie. It started at 10:30pm, and should have been over by 12:30. but he didn’t get home till after 2am again. He told me he went by himself, but I found two movie tickets in his pockets when I was doing laundry. Why would he lie and say he went alone when he didn’t? I think he was with her and just didn’t wanna tell me. When he got home he asked “are you mad at me?” why would he ask that? Is it because he was out with her and lying to me about it? Do I have a reason to be mad?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • No, your not paranoid, your feelings are just. Why should he have to hide everything...sigh, even if you are a jealous person he should be understanding and respect your feelings. I don't agree with this whole situation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • i just feel like he isn't attracted to me as much has he used to be. i gained a lot of weigh when i was pregnant and i haven't lost most of it. and im not comfortable with how my body looks now at all. he say he still likes the way i look, sometimes i feel like he is just saying it to make me feel better. when we first me i was really thin, but only because i was starving myself. and this girl thats visiting , she is really thin, and i feel like maybe thats how he wished i still looked. i just don't want him to leave me. we've been together for almost 7 years, married for two. i know he loves me. and he says he wont ever leave me. how can i stop being so paranoid about it?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Those friends were before you. Maybe he just wants to keep it that way. You know, go home again, even if it's only for a little while. She will ge gone when the week is over. Then the real world will slap him in the face again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Umm should he be going out at all without you? Would he want you to go out with a guy friend without him?? If theres one thing I have learned about how to have a happy marriage, it's to make sure you do everything as a married couple... If you wanted to do things on your own then you should stay single. I don't think it's too much to ask when it comes to love and respect. Even when my hubby is gone for a month at a time with work I only do things that involve the kids, no going out with the girls, etc.. He has said to me if I decide to go out to bars without him then he will do the same, it's only fair, and that's why we don't we love and respect each other.... It comes down to respect, for you, your husband and your marriage...

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • it just makes me feel bad sometimes. i am a stay at home mom and i don't drive so i am stuck at home everyday. i understand that he wants to go out sometimes too,he works 60 sometimes more hours a week and i know he needs a break, but i'd like to get out sometimes too. and by get out i don't mean sit at his moms house while he goes out with his friends.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • No, you are not being paranoid, he is OBVIOUSLY doing things with her and LYING to you about what he is doing! I'm surprised at some of the other responses here. So what if she's an "old friend"? What is the harm of you going out with them, at least one time while she's here?
    Would anybody who read this thread be surprised if her husband sleeps with her before she leaves? I would be surprised if he didn't. When is the last time he's taken YOU out to the movies or out til 2am?

    Answer by JustAMom2008 at 1:38 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • the thing is he does take me out. we used to go out once a week or every two weeks. but lately hes only been having one day off from work a week. and on those days hes been working at the restaurant he and a friend of his bought. i think the last time we went out was last monday. i just don't know why hes keeping stuff from me. we've never had problems with communication and we've always talked about everything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I am sorry but he was WAY out of line. His actions were inappropriate and I would be putting my foot down. He should learn to show you some more respect. How would he feel if you were doing the same thing to him? My husband would be sleeping in his truck and finding a lawyer.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I am so sorry you are going through this. You are going to have to sit down and talk to him about it. Tell him you wouldn't be questioning it if he had actually invited you to go with. Also, his asking if you are mad as soon as he gets home kind of clues in that he is guilty for doing something wrong... I would tell him that. Ask him if he is questioning your relationship together and if he is spending time with this other girl for the wrong reasons? I would give him an ultimatum. If he wants to work on whatever aspect of your relationship that isn't quite right that is making him seek out attention from another woman, give him that chance but he can't see her any more if that is truly what he wants. If he chooses to maintain friends with her then you will know he doesn't value what he has with you to respect you and your relationship. If you feel this way, imagine what others outside your relationship see when he is with her.

    Answer by cat1622 at 2:32 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

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