Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

For any moms who have felt like there is just no point in caring about how you look/live your life. I didn't know where to post this question other than here. Sorry..

I'm sorry ladies, I'm having a really bad day. I needed some insight from other mom's who know what this feels like, not my single childless friends who think they know it all. Have you ever just not cared? About how you look or just plain tired of trying to be someone you'd like to be but CAN'T? I'm 21 and I just feel so..sad. I'm tired of trying to loose the baby weight for no reason. I have no loss date,or target outfit. No event or reason to look like I used to. I'm so tired of trying to fit in with my friends, of trying having the latest fashions, of trying to even get my hair done. There is no point anymore in trying to be 21 . My SO works out at camp and is gone so who cares if I'm this slobby, fat mess? My daughter could careless what I look like.I just want to know if any other mom's feel this way too.

It's like I've lost the will to be anything other than what I'am now.

Answer Question
 
DesignerMom0801

Asked by DesignerMom0801 at 2:32 PM on Feb. 20, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 4 (42 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You sound depressed. Twenty-one can be a hard age, especially when you're a mom and your friends are all free-wheeling. It's okay to be laid back or lazy about your appearance, but what you're describing seems to go beyond that, in my opinion. I've been blessed with plenty of experience in recovering from depression, and I'll tell you it can be done. I recommend talking to a therapist about how you're feeling. But in the short term, I find I feel better and have more motivation if I take steps to stay healthy and active (especially on those days that I don't care and don't want to). I take walks, I do yoga, I journal, I cook and eat a good healthy meal, I turn off the tv and put on some good music, I clean, etc...
    BlueFrogMama

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 2:37 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Well I think its a good and bad thing. You just have to find your balance. Its great to not care about frivolous issues like designer clothes and what you have one. But you should still care about your health and how you feel overall. Its probably time to get some new, more mature friends though. Look for some moms your age who have children. Plus, I think its important to show your child that mommy takes care of herself, but doesn't feel the need to be perfect. Its all about the balance mama. :)

    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 2:37 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I'm 28 and I'm in good shape health wise. I could loose 10 lbs but I'm not really trying. Before I was pregnant I had a ripped bikini body and I was completely self conscious, always working out and watching what I ate. Now I'm very healthy...I have a softer body that carried and is still BFing my DD at 8mos and I've never been prouder of my body. I wouldn't change a thing. It really is freeing when you let go of superficial things and clearly see whats important to you.

    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 2:38 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • So stop TRYING and just BE. That is what I have learned that I feel so much better about myself and have better relationships when I stop trying to be something someone wants to be and just be me. You just need to be comfortable with who YOU are, I know it is hard but you can change your thinking and start to feel better.
    You can also send me messages if you need to vent I will listen.
    ednakrabapple

    Answer by ednakrabapple at 2:40 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • You do sound depressed. Maybe for now you should forget about how you look and focus on finding some friends that you can relate to. Join some mommy groups and find other moms you can be friends with. I am not 21, but none of my friends have children yet so I know what you mean. They just can't relate. Try to get out of the house and expose yourself to new kinds of people. You'll get through it!!!
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 2:41 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Sweetie, sit down, I have some bad news. I think you have post-partum depression. I know this isn't easy to hear. You have a lot of wonderful things to live for. Your new baby, your relationship with your s/o. You have value and worth, and it can be hard to fell that way when you are tired, have new responsibilities, you have a few pounds extra, etc. This is a new era of your life where the child is more important than drinking, bars, etc. You can still have fun and enjoy life! But it is going to be different. I would suggest strapping the kid into a stroller and taking some long walks at the mall, visiting the museum or zoo on free day, go to the library for story day, etc. Maybe go to the gym with you s/o and bring the baby in a carrier with you. The workouts etc. are not for anyone but you! The baby will like the change of scenery too! Hugs.
    Trixiebelle2

    Answer by Trixiebelle2 at 2:42 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • We have all been there in one form or another...as long as you are happy with you that is all that matters...you should not have a "target" anything other than wanting something for yourself. If I lose weight it is because I want to not for somebody else. I will say this much though, if I find myself in a dark place and don't want to do anything I force myself to walk/exersize and then I get more energy and do feel better..it is taking that first step that is the hardest. Who says women with coach purses and speak Prada are any better than those who don't?
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 3:17 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I agree that you may be feeling some post-partum depression. But, you do have to find a happy medium. Your childless friends main concern is still themselves, while yours is your baby. We have all gone out looking like crap with our dolled up babies. That is perfectly normal. If you have clothes that fit, then don't sweat about the extra few pounds. I would recommend that you look up what is normal baby blues and what is severe, and rate yourself, and/or talk to your doctor if you think it is severe. Also, and very important...find some young friends with a kid! That would probably do wonders for you. I had 3 kids when I was 21, and having friends without kids is sometimes frustrating. Not only because of their interests, but also the level of understanding about how long it takes to get ready, and working around baby naptimes/bedtimes/eating times/bathing...So, I hope I helped and didn't ramble too much. God bless!
    Tiffa-Knee

    Answer by Tiffa-Knee at 4:04 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Oh, and about the clothes, if you don't have clothes that you are comfortable in, you may need to get some post-baby clothes that are bigger than your old ones. It always helps to be able to find something to wear that you are comfortable in and that you feel pretty in. I didn't want it to seem like I was telling you to lose weight if your clothes don't fit...most people end up in slightly bigger clothes, especially after baby #1. Again, God bless ya!
    Tiffa-Knee

    Answer by Tiffa-Knee at 4:07 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Thank you so much ladies.
    I feel a bit better, as reading your comments. Each and everyone of you have been helpful in making my day a bit brighter.
    It's nice to know that other moms feel this way too and it's not just me.
    I get told so often it's the life I chose and how I live it is my problem.
    My family is supportive but damaging at the same time.
    Always getting told to look a certian way, or be a certian way because you're a mom is heart wrenching.
    DesignerMom0801

    Answer by DesignerMom0801 at 5:58 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Just for Fun
Don't you hate it when?

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
which to choose?

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN