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How do I get along with my ex husband for the sake of our children????

I found out a year and a half ago that my husband was screwing around with my ex sister in-law ( she has a child with my brother) she was the maid of honour in our wedding and we were best friends for 5 years. I cant stand the sight of her let alone looking at him. We have 2 children together and for their sake I would like to be able to get along with him and be friends so its easier for the kids. The kids find the whole situation very confusing because "daddy is dating auntie". How do I deal with this and explain it to my children when they ask???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Feb. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Two words... family counseling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • You are a bigger person than me. Id never try to get along with him. Id probably beat his and n hers. Sorry, family counseling is the only thing I can suggest like the previous poster.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I would love that but he wont even consider it!!! My 6 year old is in counselling now because she is having a lot of issues since the split, and he didnt even want me to take her. He told me I needed his consent to take her. I just want whats best for my children and thats hard when only one parent puts the kids first :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • So let him skip it. That's fine, whatever. But you and your daughter can still go together. YOU need to learn how to change your approach to improve this situation, whether he is willing to cooperate with you or not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I'm just trying to wrap my hear around what their future kids would be to your kids and your brothers. definitely seek counseling.

    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 2:58 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Oh i know exactly what you mean when you say 'only one parent puts the kids first'!! I base my schedule around my kids, while my ex will plan his schedule first, and then fit in the kids if possible. Unfortunately the only way we get along is cause I keep my mouth shut :( When we split his family hated me, and blamed me. As did my own. That was fairly traumatic on my part... its been 3 years and I still hurt. We should've seeked counseling, but he refused. I wish I had pushed harder. I hope you can persuade your ex. It really could be very beneficial. Tell him to do it for the kids. Do your research. Maybe even talk to people you two know mutually and get them to convince him? Regardless of what you end up doing, good luck. I feel for you. PM me if you ever need to talk....
    sarah6183

    Answer by sarah6183 at 3:08 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • This happened to my friend..her husband had an affair with her best friend and they up and got married and had a baby and expected her to accept it right away. It is still hard on all of us to see them in town together. I hate seeing them in the store its like I freeze in my tracks for a second. Basically eveyone has learned to bite their tongue and not cause conflict. She did speak up a few things at the time, like he had to come alone to get the kids but she had to face the fact that her best friend was now her kids step mother. It was miserable, but you just vent to your friends alot and pick your battles with him.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 3:22 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • You don't have to be friends to be civilized. He doesn't need to go to therapy to learn to deal with this if he doesn't want to. But it will give you the tools to put your resentment towards him away for the sake of your children. You need help dealing with this and so do your children. I can't imagine what they are going through as well, it's so Arkansas-sounding. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Anon is right, you don't have to be friends, you just need to be civil to each other.

    My husband and I were able to get along with our ex's after a few years of healing. It was definitely worth the effort because our kids never felt uneasy at school functions because both sets of parents were there.
    Dyndudes

    Answer by Dyndudes at 3:51 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • You know what, you don't have to be friends with him to maintain comon courtesy around him with the kids. There is no need to hang out with him or try to be buddy-buddy with him. The kids will learn one day, when they have the capacity to understand, what has been going on. I don't like my ex-husband at all but our son has no clue. Sometimes we have to wear two faces for our children's sake. You can hate him but you have to learn how to control your emotions when your children are around... it takes practice :)
    cat1622

    Answer by cat1622 at 4:45 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

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