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I am so BLAH

My husband and I just had our 6 year anniversary yesterday. I happen to be away from home because my mom had surgery so we couldn't celebrate. What is bad is, I don't care. I am so bored. I love my husband but the past few years have taken a toll on us. He's gone through his issues with his father committing suicide and getting discharged from the military while I was deployed to Iraq 3yrs ago. Well, that killed his libido while mine was doing quite well. Now, both of us are pretty blah and libidoless. Outside of sex, our relationship is extremely good. I really just do not know what to do to spark things up. I don't feel it. He doesn't feel it. We might have sexy once a month. I might enjoy it when we do but it has gotten to where I'd rather just roll over and sleep. It is so boring. No foreplay. Just blah. He doesn't like lingerie and any attempts either of us make at flirting is just dead anymore. I feel like we both just can't get our crap together at the same time. I'm sure part of this is just normal for any marriage to hit a point like this but I am lost as to where to go from here. I need to feel connected instead of like I'm just living with my best friend. I need the lover again. I need to feel sexy and wanted again and I'm sure he does too.

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cat1622

Asked by cat1622 at 5:57 PM on Feb. 7, 2014 in Relationships

Level 9 (318 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Time for y'all to book a weekend getaway for just the two of you.

    My husband and I will be married for 10 years, this April. Every now and then, we need a weekend that's just the two of us. No kids, no pets, no demands on our time/attention. Just a few days to focus on US. It's really helped us reconnect when we start to feel BLAH!
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 6:42 PM on Feb. 7, 2014

  • I'm not saying my whole relationship is crap because of the sex. I'm saying I want to bring sexy back into our relationship. I'm very happy in my relationship and going to bars to seek attention from other men is a pretty disrespectful act toward my marriage, my husband, and myself. I don't think that it is unrealistic to want to bring intimacy back into a relationship that has gone without for a few years. We need help reconnecting with each other. Either of us going to a bar or club to seek attention from others is just a recipe for temptation of adultery. That is pretty much the opposite of what I am trying to accomplish here.
    cat1622

    Comment by cat1622 (original poster) at 7:11 PM on Feb. 7, 2014

  • I don't think it's unrealistic for your husband to be your friend AND lover. Think back to what you did when you were dating, what did you do to and for each other. It isn't about your husband liking lingerie, but about seeing you in it! Does your husband realize there's a problem? Have you talked to him? Many times connecting in the bedroom starts out of the bedroom. Find ways to spend time together just enjoying each other's company.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:34 PM on Feb. 7, 2014

  • Try addressing the problems at the roots... Sounds like depression and PTSD and anxiety. Therapy / counseling to work through those.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 12:52 AM on Feb. 8, 2014

  • Where did she say she wanted a relaationship based on sex? I've seen it several times on this website where a woman says that she misses having an intmate relationship with her husband and automatically she's a sex fiend. I think a weekend away would be a great idea. Maybe even have a drink or two o help you loosen up a bit and break the ice. Its great that everything else is great in your relationship.....you'll get there. Good luck.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 6:51 AM on Feb. 8, 2014

  • Rather than a weekend away to try to jumpstart the romance start with smaller shorter steps. A nice relaxing dinner out, no cellphones, no kids, no friends. Keep the conversation away from the normal mundane everyday life stuff. Maybe go down memory lane with your relationship. An occasional touch a peck on the cheek holding hands, little things at a time. Build on this for a few weeks or even a month. Then plan that weekend getaway.
    abecee

    Answer by abecee at 9:52 AM on Feb. 8, 2014

  • "Either of us going to a bar or club to seek attention from others is just a recipe for temptation of adultery."

    ???? I see no answers suggesting that here, cat. Someone must have deleted their answer.

    Kidnap your husband this next weekend and go somewhere. No phones. No computers. Just the two of you.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:07 AM on Feb. 9, 2014

  • Try to be spontaneous....any planning may put to much pressure on everything. Maybe he's feeling exactly like you are.....try to do come on to him and do something that shows him you find him sexy and let him know he turns you on. Something as simple as feeling wanted sexually can go a long way. I have been with my man 9 years, and thankfully we have stayed intimate so far. But I know even when I'm not in the mood if he starts making me feel like he wants me it makes a difference. Build up to it, small touches at random moments, those special looks, you know......the things you did during those first years. You can bring the intimacy back. Obviously you miss it and still want it, so if you can find ways to start showing him, it may surprise you how quickly he reacts
    srltb143

    Answer by srltb143 at 3:13 AM on Feb. 12, 2014

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