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Needing some advice....

I am a fairly new mom of a beautiful 9 month old little girl. She has been a bit of a challenge lately and i'm in need of some advice. We haven't been able to get her on a good schedule...she doesn't really nap, she still wakes up in the middle of the night and she has to be held all of the time. If I put her down to make her bottles or do laundry, she screams. I feel like I'm failing as a mom. Is it ok to let her cry sometimes? Are there any tips you can give me? I love this little pumpkin so much, yet sometimes I just need a break. I feel like I'm so clueless at times.

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Asked by italy4118 at 4:55 PM on Feb. 20, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (9)
  • Yeah I mea just let her cry for a little bit- I dont mean like more than 10 or 15 minutes, but she needs to understand that you cant be with her 24/7. As long as she is fed and not hngry and doesnt need a diaper change or anything, she will be ok. My son did this when he was about 6 or 7 months. I would just set him up a nice area with toys and whatever else to entertain him while I did what I had to do.
    She'll be ok, and just try your very hardest to get her on a routine, babies thrive off routine. Bedtime is the most important, everything else will follow suit once that is down

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I would get a sling. If shes extra needy she needs you and eventually will settle down. My son went through a period when he was around 10 months so I just carried him in a sling (I used a sling from 0-6 months anyway so no big deal). He calmed down quite quickly.

    You aren't failing. You are doing a great job! Sometimes its just hard to know what they want. We all have moments where we have no clue what our kids want..only to realise it could be just as simple as hugs.

    Dont worry about routine either..she will settle eventually.

    Answer by keyaziz at 5:03 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • i agree with the sling idea, i wish i'd had one. my son didnt have a schedule at that age either, nor did he sleep through the night.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 5:08 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • i strongly disagree with the sling idea. its th same as picking her u and holding her. she needs to know that shes safe and nothing will happen to her - but you cannot rush to hold her over everthing. it will be very hard when preschool starts - or even just to leave her at all - if this continues. you have to let her cry - it will take a few weeks, but she'll get it. write a scedule for her - and realllly stick to it. she will adjust.

    Answer by Tiffany8168 at 5:50 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • a schedule and consistency is very important especially at her age...

    Answer by Tiffany8168 at 5:50 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I used a sling, and it was awesome....she felt she was being held, and was able to snuggle to me, and I was hands free to do what I needed to. She is now 14 months, and does not insist on being held all the time either.

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 6:13 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I had the same problem with my DS after his surgery because before that we couldnt really just run off and leave him out of our site or arms in fear he would throw up and us not catch it and him choke on it. So after his tummy got fixed he was so used to being held all the time thats all he wanted. My friend had given me a jumper with toys and music that played. Well once he got comfortable in it he loved it (it took about 2-3 days to get him comfortable) and he's perfectly content being in it. I will put a movie like finding nemo on something that is kid friendly even an educational show would work. And I run around and do what I need to get done and he loves it. Its got him to be more independent and it has helped out so much. You can find them at walmart for somewhere between $30-$40. It may help and give her something fun todo. Hope this helps

    Answer by TristansMommy16 at 11:01 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • As a mom with older kids, I just want to point out that no mom ever knows exactly what her kids want even when they get old enough to hold an intellagent conversation. It sounds like you are doing perfectly fine.

    Answer by GardenClub at 11:59 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • You don't HAVE to let your baby cry, to whoever said that.
    Just because a baby NEEDS to be held now, doesn't mean they will need to be held all the time when they are in preschool, that's just silly. That's still like 4 years away for god's sake.

    To OP, is there anyone at home to help you? It's important for you to get a mommy break.

    When you do put her down, are you making sure to facilitate some sort of activity she enjoys? Even if it means turning on PBS for 15 minutes, it's better than her crying.

    I don't believe in letting our babies cry, but I won't even get started on that. Just follow your heart and get someone to give you a hand.

    Good luck.

    Oh, and a sling is a WONDERFUL idea. The US is the only country in the world where a 9 month old would be considered needing independence. My dd was carried in the sling every single day for at least a year, and now at 20 months she is able to go without me if need be.

    Answer by Arkaidy at 12:03 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

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