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How do I know if he cares?

I am dating someone for over a month, we are both separated with kids we are trying to get custody of, so we really hit it off, and related to each other. He calls me or I call him every day and we get togther a lot, but mostly for sex. We don't go out, but that is because he says he can't afford to take me out right now, but we have eaten out a few times at fast food places. He says he cares about me, but is not very verbal about it. He says he is not the mushy mush type and that he likes that I show that I care. I even told him that I loved him, and he said it back, but hasn't said it since, and I don't because I want him to say it on his own without prompting from me. What do you think? I really care for this guy, but I don't know if our relationship is going anywhere.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:42 PM on Feb. 20, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • You definitely need to give it more time, There is no way to know a person in only 1 month. I do agree about the sex, I would have waited for that, but since it's already happened and you cant change that, just hold off on the sex from now on. Just tell him that you really would like to get know him and you think that maybe your moving to fast and would like to slow it down a bit. If he agrees and respects that, than you know right there, he is interested in how you feel and has respect for your feelings. GL

    lilmans_mommy

    Answer by lilmans_mommy at 6:34 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Your first mistake was to jump in bed with him so fast. I'm not judging you...I'm just saying now that you gave him the goods, its hard to see past the sex sometimes.
    You should find ways to go out without spending money. Parks, dollar movies, window shopping, working out..find things you can both do. You must find things that dont include sex or it'll be hard for you to get to know each other past the sex.
    And lastly, dont push him into loving you. You want to know its real if/when he does say it.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 5:49 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I agree with MamaChamp. Plus, a month is hardly any time to really get to know someone. I honestly don't think you can love someone after only a month. Only time will tell how he really feels. Don't rush it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I'd say let him get a divorce and be available to get more emotionally involved with you. Right now he's dealing with a lot and men are not real emotional animals sometimes. He may feel that he can't commit to you until he finishes with one relationship so he can focus on the other. Also know that statistically men tend to not marry the woman they dated after during and after divorce. Normally, that's a rebound relationship and the chances of it lasting are slim. I'm not saying it won't but statistically speaking, it doesn't look good. It's possible after being married he might want to play the field for a while. I'd stop saying the I love you stuff for a while. He might feel obligated to say it in return thinking it's what you want to hear. He's not about to give up guaranteed sex so he's going to say things he might not mean to keep it coming (no pun intended). Just go slow. You said you are separated too. Give yourself time
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:10 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Oh I didn't see that you were both separated. That changes everything. You shouldn't be dating and neither should he. So yeah I take all that back.
    You will both be able to see a lot more clearly when ad if the divorce is final.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 6:54 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I am the person that asked this ? and I just wanted to say thanks for all the great advice. He is not married, actually he never was, but had 3 kids and lived with this person for 23 years. I am not divorced yet. I guess I just was in a hurry to connect with someone and didn't think things through. I do believe he cares, but is not in love with me. I am probably not really in love with him either, but think I could get there, and he too if we are honest and open with each other. I yahoo messaged with him about this, but I know we need to talk face to face and he was willing, so I will let you all know what happens.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

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