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Mom's of 3 or more,please help!

I am a single mom of three kids,9,6 and 5 who have gotten away with murder there whole life due to always only having me in the home. Now I am paying the price and not really be well parented as a child myself,I have no idea what to do. They are killing me, the screaming,biting,fighting,hitting,mouthyness,rudeness, it all has to go! How do you mommies deal with these things when you have to discipline 3? I am also a full time college student and am failing miserably because when ever they are sick,I have to be at home. My biggest p[roblem is the discipline, my kids are OUT OF CONTROL. Any of your tips would be greatly appreciated.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:46 PM on Feb. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • I'm a SAHM of 3, hubby is gone a month at a time so I'm basically on my own when it comes to actually giving out the discipline...
    Make sure there are consequences
    My boys have to treat each other with respect, as well as me, is a must. If they don't then it's time at the wall, just standing there facing it for as long as there age.. 5 yrs, 5 minutes and so on.. Then when they are done they have to apologize and hug their brother.
    I don't allow yelling in the house either. If they can't follow rules then they lose something special to them and have to earn it back.
    For instance if we have decided to go to the movies and one of them doesn't do what they are told, like clean up their room we don't go. It's that simple... You have to stick to your guns! And I have made sure they know I'm their Mom, not their friend. I Love them bunches but they will listen to me. Good luck to you... Hope I helped you.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Your honesty amazes me. ITs great that you see a problem here and are willing to deal with YOU so that you can deal with them. Thats the first step in changing it. I can't tell you how many moms will get on here and defend their kids bad behavior and not admit that they are just not equipped to deal with it and they need help. First of all, you gotta get deep into your mind that your kids are NOT going to NOT love you because you discipline them. They will not only love you, they will RESPECT you, which is way more important. Sit down and set some rules. Make them easy and fundamental and realistic. Write them down on a poster or somewhere that can be seen. They need to include respect for mom and respect for one another. No more mouthiness. Then you need to have CLEAR, concise consequences that are age appropriate for each child. Seriously, I know this sounds all super nanny, but it really works when youre consistent.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 5:58 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Really setting your mind to change is a must and determining in your heart that youre going to win this battle is also a must. You have a hard road because you have no help, but it can be done...it really can. Good luck to you and maybe there are some groups here that can help you along the way.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 6:00 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I'm a mom of three- mine are six, four, and two so I don't have the same experience of older kids. We have some rules that are just not going to be broken- my biggest rule is no physical aggression, ever. We do not hit in this family- end of story. We also do not allow the kids to tease, call names, or otherwise be disrespectful to each other. They are family rules- not just for the kids, I'm not allowed to hit or be disrespectful either. Because we've been doing it since day one they are actually pretty good when it comes to these issues. Since you're just starting out, you might get some more backlash! My first thing would be to sit them down and lay out the rules and the consequences for breaking the rules. It might help to make them rules that you are ALL going to follow- yourself included. And then, enforce them, each and every time. It will be hell until they figure out you mean it, but it will pay off!
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 6:44 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • My kids are young but, the one thing I try to do is: as soon as they do what their not supposed to they get in trouble, no chances. I have 5 and I would be giving a million chances a day, whiney kids go to bed, no arguing or yelling. Give them plenty of outside time to burn off energy. Set rules and consequences and if it says a certain discipline for an action make sure they do it. good luck
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 6:47 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • My three are 5, 3 and 2...and I just spent the last THREE HOURS going round and round with them.

    We have a LOT of corners in the house. I don't even say anything any longer...just snap my fingers and point to the corner. No second chances (well, maybe the 2 year old for a "new" offense lol) just to the corner. When THEY tell ME that they are ready to leave the corner, they have to tell me why they were sent there...then a little talk about why they can't act like that or they go do what they were refusing to do, etc....

    And there are some times when I say "everyone get to a corner because I'm ANGRY."
    TiccledBlue

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 6:48 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Make sure when you are correcting them, get eye level with them. There is something about getting eye to eye that gets kids attention and they realize you are serious. If you are walking away or standing over them or yelling....it doesnt have the same effect. Let them know what you didnt like....then have a consequence for it. Post the rules and talk about the rules and the consequences so they know what is expected and what the consequences are. THEN STICK TO IT.

    We have a "magical thinking chair" on our website (www.cjkidz.com CJKidz Products page). It's like a time out chair....but better. Tell the child they need to "think about" what they did wrong. Then apologize for it before they get off. There is a book coming out soon that goes with it!
    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 10:58 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • good for u. its not too late. Start by setting some basic rules, not too many. Respect one another.. etc Write and post on fridge. Chant the rules like mantra so they learn them. Come up with appropriate consequences for breaking rule. Ex. Dont play well with siblings means no friends/playdates for 2 weekends. Ex. dont get up on time means earlier bedtime for a few days. Ex. doesnt eat full dinner cant have snack tomorrow. CONSEQUENCES are not punishments. Explain them diplomatically. U will be very tired the first month of implementing changes, DONT give up. Later ur life will be easier. DONT make exceptions. Be consistent. You r a great parent just because u want to discipline. We all need it to be successful, u will be given them a head start. find another mom in school that u can trade with on sick time or babysitting. saved my life. ALSO: early bedtimes for kids, u all need sleep &studytime
    younguns

    Answer by younguns at 10:42 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I would suggest a book Boundaries with Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend OR it looks like it comes in a DVD version, both on Amazon.com. I personally don't have 3 children, but my sister does (10,8,&5 then), and like you she was very "slack" for lack of a better word. Her house was very chaotic, messy, couldn't get them to help. Well, this book is one of many things that helped change their lives. (she is a single mom as well). It gave her the courage to teach her children a better way. These kids, I am happy to say, have risen to the challenge, and are today 3 of the most bright, creative, helpful, empathetic, friendly kids (now, 16,14 & 10) and she is very proud of them. As are we. Good luck!

    http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=boundaries+with+kids&x=14&y=22
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:41 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

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