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Hit me I will hit you back..

So my 13 year old dd has been going through somewhat of a rebellious stage complete with the attitude. She wanted to go with friends to the mall today and dh told her no she couldn't. Well naturally this made her furious, so she got up in his face and said "f*** you I am going and you can't stop me". At this point he took her by the arm and marched her upstairs to put her in her room, she reared her hand back and slapped him hard in the face. He slapped her back and she slapped him back harder than the first time! I don't think he should have hit her, but I don't know what to do. What would you have done in the situation? Any advice?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Feb. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • there has to b consequences. this child shd not see a mall in a very long time. months I wd say. if she cant express herself respectfully, she shd not be allowed to express any opinions UNTIL the opinion is a heartfelt apology. In the meantime, she shd lose all priviliges like phone, tv, pc, PS, etc for a week min. (all electronics) My 13 year old wd also lose the right to privacy (like closing door) and interaction with friends. She is acting like she is ur equal and you need to remind her that u are not. That without her parents she wd not have ANY luxuries (like junk food). She'll resist you at first but if you play hardball for minimally a SOLID month, she will realize that you are to be respected. Dont worry about being hated, you are hated anyway. Would u rather she hate u & become a successful/ happy adult or she thnks your cool (which wont happen) and be hated herself. now or never. good luck
    younguns

    Answer by younguns at 10:22 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • well of course he shouldn't have hit her, he needed to control his anger. He should have just closed her in her room, gave himself and her a breather, and then went back in to talk to her. Calmly let her explain herself, and tell her that an attitude like that is NOT going to get her anywhere but time in her room.
    mrseum

    Answer by mrseum at 5:49 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • my daughter is 12 she did this i told her sikatrist and he said hold her hands and explain to her why she cant go and she will feel much better
    flinchymama7

    Answer by flinchymama7 at 5:51 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • i wouldnt have hit her. you can bet that she would have been grounded from everything fun and spent a lot time doing voluteer work for the next month though.
    Chandra034

    Answer by Chandra034 at 5:51 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • The first time I cursed in front of my mom, I called her boyfriend a stupid motherf****r and my slapped me across the face too. I never did it again and I hold no ill will toward her because if my daughter ever said that to me I'd slap her too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • anon 3:52 here - my mom slapped me
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • WHoa...what gave her the idea that she could just tell him NO she was going to do something he told her she couldn't? I don't think hitting her back was the way to solve the problem at all but I also think theres a foundation of respect here thats NOT been built or she would have never done that in the first place. Sounds like shes got some anger issues and hes got some parenting issues. This does not sound like an isolated incident at all. I would have them into counseling faster than they could both say the word 'counseling'. If shes this bad at 13, what do you think 16 will be like? Definitely get both of them some help.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 5:53 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Let me add....normal teen behavior does not include cursing and slapping the parents. Just wanted to make sure that was said before someone said "its just the age". Thats garbage.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 5:54 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I think he was right to slap her. I would have been PISSED. She should totally be grounded for a very long time. My oldest is 12 and I can't imagine her acting that way, but if she ever did I would be so mad! Having respect for her dad and me is at the top of the list of rules my kids better follow. I know that I might be in for a surprise someday, but honestly, I think I would strip her of every pleasure she has until I feel that she has learned that she had better respect us. Wow, I'm sorry. I could never have imagined slapping my dad. I'm in shock..., I am sorry I am not much help...
    bellasrose71008

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 5:54 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Wow! My daughters would never slap me because they know I would slap them back. Then I would ground them from everything.

    In your scenario, I don't think dh did the wrong thing. However, after she slapped him the second time, I wouldn't slap her back another time. If she's willing to do it a second time, she's willing to go farther. I would ground her from everything though. That would mean EVERYTHING!
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 5:56 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

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