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Is it wrong for me to feel this way? (Probably opening myself up for a bashing)

I am posting this anonymously because I know I am opening myself up for a bashing, and It's going to hurt. Well now that's out of the way, when I was 14 I had an abortion. I was dating a 17 year old and he was the father. I did not want to abort. He wanted me to, but never really pressured me. His friends did. They told me I would be selfish to keep the baby and ruin his life. My mom found out and even said abortion was best. This was 13 years go. I have 3 kids now. He just had his first with a girl he barely knows and doesn't love (not that it really matters). I saw a picture of his aborable son. I congradulated him. For some reason it hurts. It hurts because I wonder, if like me when I saw all mine for the first time, when he first laid eyes on his baby if he thought back to the one who never made it into this world 13 years ago.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Feb. 20, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (14)
  • I'm sure he did, but then again men are different.
    I had an abortion when I was 16 and I always wonder what if....I also thought about it after I delivered both of my children..

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I've never had an abortion myself but I know that they can be hard on people... I'm very sorry that they pushed you into it. I'm not sure if he would have thought about the unborn baby or not.. men are wired much different.

    Answer by alinker at 11:57 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • It's VERY normal to think what if. Whether or not men think of things like that I have no idea. He may but a lot of times men aren't on the same level as women emotionally. It may not have crossed his mind as soon as it did yours, but maybe he's thinking about it now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Also, I think if anyone bashes you for having an abortion at 14, they are cold-hearted monsters! Yeah maybe you shouldn't have had sex that early.. but you did. I'm sure it was a VERY hard decision to make. If you get a bashing, it is because they are ignorant!

    Answer by alinker at 11:59 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • No, it's not wrong of you to feel that way. I've never had an abortion, but I have had 2 miscarriages. I have sometimes wondered what my 1st child (not by my husband) would have looked like. The father never knew I was pregnant so I know he doesn't think about it, but if he had known.. who knows. He may think about it. I also think about what my 2nd child would have looked like.. if it would have looked like it's brother or sister since they were all from the same father. I don't know if my husband thinks about it or not... I'll have to ask, lol. But anyway, it's perfectly norma; to wonder what could have been :) ((hugs))

    Answer by NDFanatik at 12:00 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I agree. While I do not condone abortion, who the hell would have wanted you to have a baby at 14??

    All these emotions you are feeling are perfectly normal. You were SOO young and it is nearly impossible to make the right choices at that age (which probably would have been not to have sex in the first place).

    You probably made the right decision, a baby can't raise a baby. *hugs*

    Answer by Arkaidy at 12:07 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I doubt he thinks about it. Why else would men be able to go on and have more children when they have some left behind (divorce, etc.)that they are not taking care of. I'm so glad (lucky) I never had to go through an abortion, I just dont think I could have lived with it. I can't even go to a funeral because I start uncontrollable crying. I feel so sorry for you, I hope you can soon make peace with it. I am also glad that we have the right to abortion and would not ever want the right taken away from us. XOXOXO

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Not sure on that one honey..i am sorry you had to go thru that..will keep you in my prayers I agree with the earlier post ANYONE that would bash has serious issues of thier own! HUGSSS !

    Answer by finallyamommy76 at 12:35 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Of course it's not wrong. Not at all.

    And anyone who would bash you for something in the past is an idjit. Nothing can be changed.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:54 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • ive never had an abortion and i never would no matter what. i believe its 100% murder!!!!! and what were u doing havin sex at 14? omg!! but if ur old enough to know how to have sex and do it and get preg. then having a baby is a risk u take. i got preg. a few days after my 17 b-day and my boyfriend ( husband now) and i knew that us having unprotected sex was our way of saying that a baby is likely to happen and it did and we took our responsiblity we didnt run from it. yes i know that u cant change it now but still i dont see how u or him can live with yourselves i know i couldnt, much less have children later thats so sad these new kids are better than the one who never got to call u mommy, whos eyes u never got to stare into, hold those little hands, kiss those baby toes. if id ever lost a baby ( before mine now) id really hurt myself not kill because id feel to guilty id deserve to suffer like she did!!!!

    Answer by lovemybabies078 at 2:05 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

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