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Love

How do you show love to a child who is very distant to you and doesn't like you because you have placed rules into his life when he had none and was aloud to do whatever he wanted?

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SeedsOfLove

Asked by SeedsOfLove at 12:56 AM on Feb. 21, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • it depends on the rules..
    prove to him or her why you made them or tend to follow them..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Ask the child what kind of things they would like to do. Show them that they can have fun even though there are rules. It would also depend on how old they are, maybe just sit down and talk to them about the situation.
    Magpie75

    Answer by Magpie75 at 2:06 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • By giving a child limits, expectations, and rules you are showing them LOVE. Maybe they don't show it now if it is all new to them, but they will come around. I always tell my girls that we all have rules to follow, even as adults. Also give them a listening ear, spend quality time, and just show you care.
    LovetoTeach247

    Answer by LovetoTeach247 at 4:49 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • This is a touchy age where they resent just about anything. Your child knows you love them. By sticking to your rules and insisting that they follow them you are showing great love. Your child will recognize it when they are older and will probably thank you for it. He is just mad because you cracked down on him. You are doing the most loving thing you can by not giving in to his behavior.
    Marwill

    Answer by Marwill at 11:57 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Is this a step child or an adopted child? I think you would keep the rules as simple as possible and try not to be nit-picky about every little thing they do. Start with the big things and be positive about it rather than negative. Accept the fact that the child may need reminders for a while if they are not used to the rules. Talk to the child about what appropriate consequences might be....and treat it as something you are working on together. Since you say the child is not used to rules, acknowlege that and discuss the reason for the rules and the goals you share.Generally, how you want to live together and get along with each other and avoid confusion.Make it a fun conversation if you can. Like a shared goal. Most rules do have a very clear reason behind them and I think it is a good idea to let the kids know what they are. Especially a child who is not use to rules. They may see it as all punitive, when it really is not.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 1:14 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I don't have a teen but when my brother was growing up my parents never enforced any rules and let him do whatever he wanted. He is 8 years younger than I and I think they just got tired of trying to enforce rules. It was the worst thing they could have done for him. He sold drugs out of the house, dropped out of school, moved in with his girlfriend. Now he is 24 and can't pay his bills, is always manipulating my parents and never joins his family for holidays or special events. He is a loser. He was such a good little kid. Smart and funny and caring. But he is lost now. He hasn't even met his nephew (my son) and he drives by my house every day. So Please hang in there. They may hate you for a while, as I did my mother. But they will grow up well adjusted and love you for it the rest of their lives.
    missv66

    Answer by missv66 at 2:55 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • read the book "The 5 Love Languages of Children" it talks about different ways kids feel loved and new ways/ideas to love them in their 'language'
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 7:21 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I think you are showing love to him by setting the rules. He just may not recognise it yet.
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 2:42 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I agree w/LoveToTeach247. I always tell my 10 yo dd "If we didn't love you we wouldn't correct you" I don't know that she totally gets the msg. but she will eventually.
    cat4458

    Answer by cat4458 at 10:41 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

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