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Come to find out my 7th grader who is 12 years old has a girlfriend that is in the 8th grade and he bought her a $65 necklace for Valentines Day. They have only been together for 1 month! We found out because his best friend came over yesterday and asked my husband if he knew. How should I handle this?

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Asked by Goldenbrowny at 9:35 AM on Feb. 21, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I know what I would like for you to do... I would suggest you go over there and ask for the necklace back. However, I don't really think you can do that. Unfortunately, he gave it to her. I am assuming it's his money that he earned? If so, all you can do is advise him on money, girlfriends, etc...

    Answer by m-avi at 9:41 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Yes it was his own money - He works every Sunday at the Flea Market- And gets paid every 2 weeks. It is not really the money that is bothering me, It's the meaning behind it! I just know these young relationships last only 1-3 months and they are on to the next thing. He is a very sweet, emotional caring boy. It is his first girlfriend and you know how that ends up! Heart broken!

    Answer by Goldenbrowny at 10:09 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • The situation is not atypical, even 20 yrs ago when I was 12 kids were "dating" & giving V-Day presents. You might want to talk to him about appropriate behavior while dating (the foundations of good realitionships & age appropriate interaction) in a positive supportive way. Try not to demean the relationship, while you may know it is "puppy love", it is extremely serious to them. When it ends, just be kind, give him room & talk to him about how relationships of every kind are a learning experience. Also, he might not be the one heart-broken when it ends, so don't try to make more of it than he does.

    Answer by nysa00 at 11:23 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • If it was his money and he doesnt have to approve purchases with you first then i wouldnt do a thing. I know kids who do this at that age - its not uncommon. it may not be what you find appropriate but the damage is done now. if you dont think that should happen again then you could set a guideline that he needs to approve purchases over a certain amount with you - that's just simple good financial guidance from a parent and not a judgment on his generosity with a girl. He'll learn those lessons on his own about relatioships. My daughter told me about kids in 5th grade doing this and i've already told her that she cannot accept expensive gifts from boys until she is older. Since i have that rule, if she does, she'll have to return it.

    Answer by WinnieM at 11:41 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I know it's crappy, because we know how first girlfriends end up... however I think this is a time to sit him down and talk about why spending so much money so soon is not a good thing. Other than that.. there isn't much else you can do that wouldn't be extreme. The best thing to do is be supportive and explain about the money.. and unfortunately I think this is one of the times where he's going to have to learn the hard way.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 5:10 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Wow...I'd be mad.

    Answer by environmentalpa at 8:49 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Since it was his money there is not much you can do about it. You are entitled to feel however you want. He might have to learn this lesson the hard way.

    Answer by lanckn at 9:08 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • So what?!! When I was in the 7th grade a guy buy his girlfriend a pair of Doc Martins (shoes) for $120.. I got nice necklase when I was in the 8th grade with a J on it (bfs name was jonathan) and it wasnt cheap either. in fact I JUST threw away the J a few weeks ago when I found it hidden in my jewely box. ..

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 12:32 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • It was his money that he earned, so I would leave it alone. We hate the fact that our children have to grow up and learn their lessons the hard way but really it's the best way. Much as we'd like to spare them pain & heartache, reality is we can't. We have to pick our battles and I'd let this one go. :)

    Answer by bookworm65 at 3:01 AM on Mar. 1, 2009

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