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would this be immature

I dont want to be aound my inlaws until they start respecting me. Meaning I dont want them to see my son. They are constanly putting me down, acting like they are the parents, butting into our fiances. What adult ask another couple how much they are getting in unemployment? so anyways the only way to avoid a "fight" or someone breaking down in tears I thought it would be better to email them how I feel. telling them until they respect me we will not be going up there. The last time we confronted them MIL breaks down in tears and plays viticm!! HELP

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Feb. 21, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (9)
  • ahhh thats my mil to the tee.
    every little part of it. except his FIL doesn't do any of this.
    however this is what i did after talking to her and having her play the victim..
    I backed off for a while. Slowly started going back down for family events...
    Now I choose my battles wisely. And I let hubby deal with telling her to back off. Its his mom so his place. He used to not but thankfully now he does!! So pick your battles wisely- Let hubby deal with confrontations but stand your ground and do NOT let her treat you like crap.

    Answer by krazyash023 at 10:13 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Oh you poor thing, I feel very sorry for you!!! I would email, phone or whatever it takes but get some distance. That sounds like a good idea for now. I don't know enough about the situation but I do know exactly what you mean about people playing the victim and that gets on my last nerve. Please respect my privacy should be included in whatever you say.

    Answer by mom_wrhsc at 10:14 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I totally agree with krazyash that it is your husbands job to stand up to his mother and not allow her to disrespect you! He married you and chose YOU to be his family so you and your kids come first, and he needs to tell her what is up and that she needs to butt out or you will not be coming around. Same thing the other way around, if it were your parents disrespecting your husband, it would be your responsibility. Good luck..

    Answer by KTMOM at 10:17 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Can you get hubby to do the talking for you? Unfortunately, you are probably going to be the bad guy regardless because you are the DIL, you know? I was in a very similar situation recently and if you do need to do something, email is probably the best. That way you can get all your feelings out and not forget anything or be interrupted in the process. On the other hand, I know how you want to keep your son from seeing her and I was in the same situation, however, I sort of feel like if your son really loves her, he should be able to see her, but she needs to know what's going on and where you stand too. Good luck!

    Answer by TylersMama05 at 10:18 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • For your husband and son just rry to ignore it and don't let it get to you. That's what I do now, I just keep my mouth shut and don't get upset about the comments. I sometimes laugh about it. The comment about how much unemployment you get is not a big deal, people are just curious. My mother in-law always plays the victim, she thinks everyone is always picking on her. She is always the one who makes comments which results in her sons or daughter-inlaw yelling at her. I don't comment back to her and instead I just avoid her, when she tells me she's coming over, I leave the house, when she calls me, I don't answer the phone. Ingnoring it is the best thing, it also makes you look and be the better person.

    Answer by staceynoel at 10:19 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • If ignoring and avoiding doesn't work, than I usually just remain calm and talk to them like they are children, I'm a teacher and adults hate when I do this. I try never to get my husband involved because he can get nasty and for my childrens sake I don't want to be fighting with my inlaws

    Answer by staceynoel at 10:24 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Respect is not demanded, it is earned. Cordiality is demanded, however, and it is your husbands job to demand for his family to be cordial towards you. Not to demean you, ESPECIALLY in front of the children!!!!!!!!! You need to take the high road. We teach people how to treat us, if your mil is demeaning you in front of your children, pull her aside, in private, and say to her, you can feel anyway you want to towards me, however, in front of my children I ask that you please refrain from demeaning me, I will not tolerate you being in-cordial towards me. I am your grandchildren's Mom and would appreciate you honor that when you are around my children. Then treat her like you would want her to treat you. Do not use the children as pawns, however, if she continues to demean you in front of and around the children, you pull her aside again in private and let her know that if she continues, that behavior is (cont)..........


    Answer by blessed5x at 11:09 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • (cont)........abusive and harmful towards the children and you will not allow your chidren to be harmed in anyway. It is also not teaching your children the proper way to resolve conflict and how to be cordial in spite of "feelings" toward someone.

    Answer by blessed5x at 11:11 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • It's not up to you to handle the in-laws. Your husband should be dealing with the situation.

    As for sending an email telling them you won't be going around with the kids...yes, it's immature. You're stooping to their level. Be the bigger person.

    I agree with krazyash...back off of family events, let your husband deal with them....

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 11:41 AM on Feb. 21, 2009

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