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I am getting ready to deploy, but i don't know should i breakup with him or not?

well i am currently 19 and my son died as of last year. i really hope you can count me as a mom on here still :(. i am deploying monday morning and i been living and staying with my boyfriend who is 23 years old, for a year in a half now. this is my first time i had a relationship before deploying due to the fact this is my very first deployment. we was engaged but he changed his mind. i am going to be away for a year and he said he is not gonna cheat on me. most of the people in my unit brokeup and most of them were engaged but they got married already. i just don't wanna deploy and come back home to something different. he also has this ex girlfriend who he yet still fail to get rid of since we been dating. most relationships don't last long overseas especially when you are not married. what do you think i should do? should i breakup with him?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:13 PM on May. 9, 2014 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Honey, if you've had a child, you're a mom. I'm so sorry about your loss.

    I think you should do what makes the most sense to you. If you're leaning towards breaking up with him that's probably what's best, IMO.
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 8:15 PM on May. 9, 2014

  • It's probably best you break up or put things on hold. You have to focus on your mission. Compartmentalization.
    Izsarejman

    Answer by Izsarejman at 8:17 PM on May. 9, 2014

  • I'm sorry about your son. That's got to be tough, no matter how old you are, but especially at a young age like 19.

    You seem to feel like you should break up with him. I think if that's what you feel you should do, that's probably what's best. Even if you don't know how to put it into words, you obviously sense that it would be for the best. Whether you don't trust him, or it's something else, if you feel that you would be better off breaking up with him, then do it. It would be far better to do that than to risk getting yourself, or others, hurt because you're overseas spending all your time wondering what he's doing or still trying to decide what to do about him.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:20 PM on May. 9, 2014

  • thanks wendy! well for this whole entire time we been together his ex has been constantly calling and texting him. i really don't know the truth behind them still till this day. he claim he went to court and had a protection order against her, yet shes still doing it. i later found out neither one of them went to the court date and i seen the filing papers. he listed a fake address and phone number. he refused to hand over the text messages by sending them to the wrong email address on purpose. i found out when the sheriff came to the house and served him with a return order. the sheriff told me neither of them showed up for the court date and the sheriff called the office while he was there. my boyfriend missed every court date and he repeatedly came back only to keep resetting court dates due to the fact i was still living with him. he listed her old telephone number and he listed he was in a relationship with her.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:36 PM on May. 9, 2014

  • he told me he was never in a relationship with her but on the papers he said he was. he put dates such as from "2010 until 2010", when asked the starting dates of their relationship. he listed no dates on the paper at all. when asked for a description on how the girl looked, he wrote down "she has a spot on her face" that was all he wrote. im entirely confused. he said they haven't been messing around since 2011 now its 2010. im totally confused on this situation that i am in. i later found out that in 2010 she didn't live in the state yet, but she graduated in 2011 as well as he did. he didn't tell me all this. she didn't move to our state until 2011 so i am not for sure why its 2014 and the situation is repeatedly ongoing between them. i think he brokeup with her for me, but honestly i am stuck at this point.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:41 PM on May. 9, 2014

  • Sounds like he's a liar. Dump him. You're not stuck. You don't need him.

    Are you a reservist? Can you live on post? If you can, then I'd get there NOW.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:54 PM on May. 9, 2014

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. That makes me so sad.

    It sounds like you should get rid of the guy. He sounds like no good. Focus on you and your deployment. When you come back you can start anew and find someone who will be good to you. This guy sounds like a liar and probably a cheat.
    anime0719

    Answer by anime0719 at 10:07 PM on May. 9, 2014

  • I am sorry for your loss. : (
    Would it be so terrible to stay together and decide later if things just don't feel right? If he is willing and interested in staying together and you care for him, why not roll the dice and see how this unfolds?
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:15 PM on May. 9, 2014

  • You are young. Break up with him. Tell him if he is their, single when you get back. Maybe you two can get back together. Don't expect him to wait for you and you are not married to him.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:29 PM on May. 9, 2014

  • I'm going to be honest with you as women we often give up ourselves or do more for our partners. But the truth is you are young and you don't owe anyone anything except yourself, you owe yourself to go out in the world and explore things and learn things, and go places.. This is how you discover who you are. Don't hold yourself down with other peoples drama free your mind and whatever is meant to be is meant to be. Fly butterfly. Go be a strong independent powerful women.

    pinkparcel

    Answer by pinkparcel at 11:01 PM on May. 9, 2014

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