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How harmful is it for a 6 year old (almost 7) to sleep in the same bed as her grandmother?

My fiance's daughter (who is almost 7 years old) sleeps in the same bed as his mom every night. She won't sleep in her own bed and his mom encourages it! We live with his parents and he lets this happen! He's so worried about upsetting his mother. The relationship between his mother and his daughter is slightly obsessive. His daughter can't do anything without her MomMom, and me, being only the fiance, have no say in the matter. Is this going to harm his daughter in the long run? How can I get his daughter to sleep in her own room and do something without MomMom for a change?!

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Asked by Born2BAMommy5 at 12:44 PM on Feb. 21, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 8 (251 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I would think twice about you getting married. His mother and daughter come first.You are the one that is going to have the problems.

    Answer by gammie at 12:59 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • eww....girl, this is gonna be a tough one!!! I don't think the sleepng itself is harmful but sounds like the control MomMom has over the child IS. I kinda agree with PP that this may be a losing situation for you. Sad, too, because I think you are right in identifying a problem and wanting some change. I just don't think you will ever get it. Good luck, hun.

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 1:07 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • No it won't harm them. I slept wtih my mom off and on through my childhood. Even as a teen sometimes I would crawl in bed with my mom if something had upset me. My DH slept with his parents until he was 5. Your fiance's daughter might be upset due to divorce (don't know the situation) and then dad is now throwing in a stepmom.

    Answer by MoonLover06 at 2:19 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I agree, it's not the sleeping with grandma that is harmful, it is grandma's control over her son that can be harmful to the marriage.

    I even think the girl needing her MomMom there is fine. she's just 7. and how long has MomMom been her main "Mother Role Model"?

    Answer by Kiter at 3:01 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • In my state it is considered child abuses for any child over the age of 4 to co sleep with an adult. In my opinion:  I'm not saying I totally agree with the age limit because sometimes circumstances are just different for one family or another but I do think that a normal, healthy child of 7 should be sleeping in there own bed.


    Answer by But_Mommie at 3:20 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • It's just an American thing. United States of America thing. It would be completely normal in SO MANY other countries.


    Answer by Kiter at 3:35 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • What you say will never be taken the same way by his mother and when her own son says it. If there is a concern, HE needs to talk to his mom about it. The fact that he can't speak up about a concern he has for his own DD leads me to believe he wouldn't stand up for you either if you needed him to. A man whose mother has this type over him doesn't sound ready to make wedding vows to truly put his wife FIRST.

    Sure they co-sleep well into adolescence in other countries. Those countries also have other related customs that are different as well that causes late co-sleeping to work well. Our culture does not have surrounding customs that allows co-sleeping that late to work well. The life skills that we tend to value (and there's nothing wrong with that) involve independence. The child is not learning independence by sleeping with her grandmother and it doesn't seem as though she is learning to respect her father either.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 5:33 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I know it might not be possible but I will add the fact that it's easier to control what goes on in the home when it is your home. Perhaps MomMom feels that she has the reigns of the whole family because you live with her. It is going to be very hard for her to be told what to do in her own home.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 5:35 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • So they don't value independence in other countries? And what is wrong with depending on family? Especially as a seven year old girl in a broken home?

    Answer by MoonLover06 at 5:42 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • MoonLover- that's my opinion- what in the world is wrong with a not even 7 yr old from a broken home being dependant on her Grandma. Independence is very good, but I wish our country placed a higher value on strong family bonds and family patriarchs.


    BUT- the OP needs too have some serious talks before she gets married to make sure she is taken seriously and her husband listens to her- his wife- instead of always giving intoo his mother. and they all need to remember if it the Grandma's House- it is the Grandma's Rules.


    Answer by Kiter at 5:56 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

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