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Step parents who helped to raise adult step kid or kids , do you ever feel guilty about what you did to contribute to their lives and how they are living today?

As a step parent of now adult kids, I wonder if  I was more settled years ago if I could of been a better example ,because my step children all seem to have problem marriages. Sometimes I wonder if my husband and I could of argued less and could of gotten it together then if now my step kids would have better lives.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:21 PM on Feb. 21, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (4)
  • Unfortunately if kids come from a broken family its what they learn is ok so they continue the pattern. Its just how it goes. You shouldnt blame yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • They had already seen the bad pattern in their parents marriage; while you two fighting and such may have reinforced the idea some, I don't think that the problems they have today can be laid at the door to your marriage. The problems they have could be because of less than ideal examples, or they could just as easily be the result of incompatibility between them and their spouses, or any number of other problems between them. I can't say your guilt is not normal, but I can say I think you should work on getting past it, b/c I really don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:17 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • personally i think if they also saw you guys working it out and dealing with it, that's a good thing.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 6:25 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • In my situation we were much more settled that my stepsons mom who never remarried and partied like a maniac. He seems to come here for that "family" feeling. I feel like we helped him so I don't have guilt. He is now 28 and doing really well, although he has no desire to get married.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

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