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3 Bumps

How can i get my husband to stop drinking....

so I've been married for 4 years,I'm23 years old and my husbands 26 years old,we have 2 kids 6 and 3....Ever since I met my husband hes been a drinker on and off he never completly stops but it gets better then worse,He cant go one night with out a few beers atleast,We have a fit income and hell scrape up money to drink always!.I feel like he cares more about drinking then our relationship,I ask him to go to AA but he says he doesnt have a problem but he truely does if he honestly cant go one night with out atleast a couple cans,He says im just being crazy..but it bothers me..any advice or serious feed back??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:24 AM on Jun. 12, 2014 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • You can guide a horse to water, but you can't make him drink! is he irresponsible? does he have a drink for breakfast? if you answer yes to any of these two then he has got a problem, if not, all you can do is advice of the dangers of drinking, and hope for the best...
    older

    Answer by older at 6:52 AM on Jun. 12, 2014

  • It bothers you, which means it is a problem, but the question is: is it his problem or yours? Without seeing him, and knowing him, it's hard to say if he truly has a problem or if he just enjoys having a couple of beers to relax.

    Let's say he does have a drinking problem - you can't make him stop drinking. It would have to be something he wants to do before it would happen. He can't stop because someone else wants him to, he has to stop because HE knows it's a problem and he wants to stop.

    Now let's say that he's right and you're just being "crazy" about him having a few drinks. That still doesn't mean it's not a problem. It's a problem because you don't like it, which makes it your issue to deal with. You would have to decide if you can deal with his drinking because you love him and it's otherwise a good marriage/good man, or if this is a deal breaker that you would leave over.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:48 AM on Jun. 12, 2014

  • It is like any other addiction. He has to stop. You can not make him. You can go to AA meetings your self I think. To understand how to deal with his drinking.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:13 AM on Jun. 12, 2014

  • YOU can't. He has to want to do it himself. You can try to get him to see it is causing issues in your marriage, but you can't force him to quit if he doesn't want to.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 8:22 AM on Jun. 12, 2014

  • See if he will go to marriage counseling with you. If not you have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. You are both young and if this gets worse you need to decide if you want to live this way and have your children live this way. One of my parents was an alcoholic and my parents should never have stayed together. Figure out what you want/need in a husband and know you did all you could do to change things. hug
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 8:35 AM on Jun. 12, 2014

  • You can't change his behavior,but you can change your own. It's time for a heart to heart talk. You tell him that you see this as a major issue in your relationship,and that it has to change,that it is not acceptable to you. Be prepared to leave him if nothing happens. A decent man would be willing to discuss it with you,and change his behavior/habits to keep you happy.
    The fact that he is scrounging to find money for alcohol tells me that he has a drinking problem
    Matka_Kinder

    Answer by Matka_Kinder at 8:41 AM on Jun. 12, 2014

  • You can't make him do anything that he doesn't want to do.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 8:41 AM on Jun. 12, 2014

  • No you can't! Under those circumstances, it's only you that you can change. After 16 years of marriage and countless promises.... I divorced my drinking problem, so to speak. Never looked back. It's something I just don't want or need in my life. I can't believe I wasted so much time on those empty promises either.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 9:15 AM on Jun. 12, 2014

  • You can't get your husband to do anything, that is his choice. What YOU can do is decide if it is something you can live with, or something you won't compromise on. If it's something you can't compromise on it may be better to start looking for the exit.
    adp_3805

    Answer by adp_3805 at 9:41 AM on Jun. 12, 2014

  • In order for him to stop his drinking he needs to first realize and admit he has a problem and then he needs to seek professional help for his addiction. I suggest that you attend some al-anon (or similar type) meetings and gain the support of others who are in your situation. I would also suggest you sit husband down and tell him that you are very concerned about his drinking and the effect it is having on your marriage and family. I hope he will see that he does have a problem and he needs to seek help. Good luck
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:55 AM on Jun. 12, 2014

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