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How do I bring up the subject of cheating?

So, I am beginning to wonder if my hubby is cheating. I'd like the bring the subject up but I don't want to sound accusing because I've heard more than one guy's way of thinking is "if I'm going to be accused of cheating I might as well do it."

We have a baby so we don't get much alone time. Even when we do, I usually just want to sleep. Sometimes even when I'm in the mood, he's not, even though it may have been weeks since the last time we had sex.

He's always enjoyed socializing with his co-workers and sometimes staying past his shift to visit. Lately though he is doing it more often. Sometimes he asks me to stop and visit him at work. Tonight he told me not to bother.

The baby and I have both been sick so I haven't been sleeping well at all. I don't know if there is a reason to be concerned or if I am just being paranoid and emotional because of lack of sleep.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on Feb. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • well I personally WOULDN'T bring it up. If it turns out you're wrong, you could really put a strain on your relationship. I would try to find other means of "catching" him if it's true. Go to work and surpise him anyways.

    Answer by mrseum at 7:12 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Well, you have to know, because if he is, you'll want to be careful about STDs. I'd sit down with him and say Honey, I know that I have been awfully tired lately and not feeling well, and I think that this is making me overly sensitive, but I have something that I am worried about that probably is completely off base, but I hope that you can set my mind at rest about it. I'm afraid that my being sick and being tired may be making you not love me as much as you used to. (Then he may chime in with of course I still love you, why would you worry about this? ) I've noticed that sometimes when I am in the mood, that you turn me down. I'm not blaming you since I haven't been in the mood much. And I feel terrible to mention this, but you spend more time away from me at work. Have you met someone else? (If so, then ask if he'll get counseling with you. Be sure to say it all from your point of view, not accusing him.)

    Answer by Bmat at 7:18 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I would wait until I had some DEFINITIVE proof of his cheating first--emails, text messages, call his job--ask a co-worker if they know where he is, "surprise him" by showing up at work or wherever he goes after work after declining the offer--see if you can spot him before he spots you!

    Otherwise, he's only going to deny it!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:19 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Damn right, show up at work un-announced!

    Answer by JanuaryRayne at 7:38 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • just ask him if he'd ever tell you if he cheated. tell him you read somehting about it on cafemom. he'll buy that. it'll open the door and you can talk. tell him you know you arent getting his needs met and that you hope he understands that you love him. you're just exhausted.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 10:28 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

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