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I need help understanding something

How can a woman wait 10+ years and suddenly try to get child support from someone who didn't even know he had a child?? The child support itself is not an issue, if it's his child of course it's his responsibility, but how do you wait 10+ before telling someone he is a father? Yes, this happened to my dh, we don't know what to do? What person does this? Can someone give me some insight here? He is a great guy, non-abusive, hard working, loving, etc...I don't friggen get it!! I'm trying to not be judgemental of this woman, but who does that to her child and the father?? Please help me understand, maybe see this from an angle I am not seeing this from.....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:59 PM on Feb. 21, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • That is crazy. But--just consider the times now. Financially, everyone is struggling. Maybe shes just at the point now that she realizes theres no way possible that she can do it on her on now.
    BooHooMommy

    Answer by BooHooMommy at 7:03 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Who knows why people do anything? I can only guess because I don't know the situation but perhaps he was a different man back then than he is now? I have heard of instances where a woman knew a man wasn't ready for kids and when she got pregnant, she was afraid to tell him. Or perhaps she didn't want him back in her life after they broke up, knew telling him about his child would bring him back into her life and tried to live without him. There could be a lot of reasons why she never told him that she had a child. Now about telling him he has one all of a sudden...perhaps the child is asking about who their father is? Perhaps because of the current economic state, she's no longer able to do it on her own and is asking for support out of desperation? Who knows? I'm sure she feels pretty weird about it.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 7:05 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I am sure this really just makes you angry. And I am sure your husband was not aware this child existed. There may be all kinds of reasons she didn't tell him before. Really, What does it matter now? For whatever the reasons are, you all know now. And how you handle the situation is what will make you a better person than her. Ask for a blood test!! If this child is your husband's, get to know them. Make them a part of your family. It is not this child's fault. But every child should have some kind of father figure in their life..... I am sure this is all fresh. And your emotions are very high right now. But you need to finish getting angry and let that anger go. You don't want to come out looking like a jealous stepmom. Trust me, I know some. And they are miserable people. Good Luck! And get a blood test!
    eluc

    Answer by eluc at 7:09 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Thanks ladies! I am really trying to wrap my brain around this and it's hard.....Also she is married and everything. Oh, and the kicker, this little girl has the same first name as our daughter. It just seems so unfair to him and the little girl, all of those years lost, and who knows what she has told her about him!! I just don't get it at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • PP, you are right I am really really angry (also very pregnant, which doesn't help) but I would NEVER hold anything against the child! We are of course going to ask for a blood test, and if she is his we will do what we can, but they live on the opposite side of the country as us, which isn't very condusive to getting to know each other.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Maybe she fell on hard times and now needs the help. Who knows. If you end up needing government assistance they automatically go after the other parent for child support whether you want them to or not so maybe she tried to get on medicaid or something. That's why my friend had to get off it because she didn't want her ex involved in their child's life (he was a jerk) and that included child support but to stay on medicaid (for her daughter) they would have had to go after him for support and then he would have had visitation, etc.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 8:39 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Maybe the guilt finally got to her who knows. I know someone who didn't find out they had a child until the child was 16. The guy has to actually pay for the last 16 years of child support even though he didn't know he had a child. Not fair at all. I think women who do that should have some kind of consequence because the father will never be able to go back to those years. I think something willl come of it the more it happens. Just give it some time to sink in
    momofpurebliss

    Answer by momofpurebliss at 10:36 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

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