Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)


Has anyone ever had the bmom chose the name exclusively. We matched for several months and just became parents of a baby. The bmom referred to the baby in her stomach as a particular name. She never even asked if we had a name we liked or if we liked the name she chose. At one point I said a name I liked and it was just met with silence. Now the baby is here and living with us... and I cant get used to the name. I secretly dont like it at all. It is a very open adoption, she chose the first and middle name and her name doesnt lend itself to a nickname. I am thrilled to be a new Mom and part of me says to get over it but part of me wants the name I always envisioned.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Feb. 21, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • OP here: I probably should have been clearer upfront that I wont change the name, it is just that sometimes it bums me out that I don't get to use the name I wanted. I was more venting than anything else.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I think that you should be able to name the baby what you wish!

    Answer by ZaTa at 8:18 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • can you change the name or will it be a legal problem? if its not a problem then change it

    Answer by 4lyfe56 at 8:18 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I agree with the PP

    Answer by .Peaches. at 8:20 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Really you should have discussed this with her before the baby came! See if you can change it if it won't cause problems since it is a very open adoption she will obviously know if you do it. Do you really hate the name or are you more upset that you let her choose it?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:30 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • OP here: I know I should have brought it up sooner but I tried to bring it up and she was so non-receptive that I guess I denied how much I didnt like it because ultimately, I am adopting a newborn which is so hard to do so I am happy. Legally, I have the right to completely change it but ethically, I cant do that. And yes, I am positive that I dont like the name, it is actually a really common name so I feel like every kid I know has this name.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I would change the name and hope she can understand. You have every right to name the child that you will raise for his/her entire life. Maybe keep part of the name she gave as a middle name?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • coming from a birthmom.. i personally let my birthson's APs choose his name, but if i had a name chosen and AM didn't reveal to me that she didn't like it - my feelings might be hurt later if she wanted to change it, but i too would get over it and try to understand that she is my birthson's mother. it would be special if you kept at least part of the name to use as a middle or something like the PP said.

    but either way, i think now it's ultimately your choice. if your adoption is open, like mine is.. i know i could go to the AM with whatever and be able to discuss it openly and honestly. just talk to her about it. i'm sure she'll try to be understanding. or she should at least.

    Answer by BriasMommy_827 at 9:44 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • You can legally change the name once the adoption is final. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, then don't.

    Answer by babycakes254 at 10:52 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • As a first mother here, of course I had a name chosen for my son while I was pregnant with him. I was also planning on parenting him until I was 8 months far.

    We (the adoptive parents and I) chose the name together. Our agreement was that it would be a name we both liked. They got to chose the middle name. Of course I was heartbroken that they weren't going to name him what I had been calling him for months, but I dealt with it.

    Well, I would just get use to the name.. it's something you must have agreed upon with the birth mother.. don't back out of that. This is pretty minor compared to what I have seen/heard adoptive parents backing out on agreements/promises they have made with their birth mother. It'll affect her tremendously. In all honesty, if you didnt' like the name she chose, you should have been honest with her about it.

    Answer by rainfalls at 12:05 AM on Feb. 22, 2009