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My 4 year old comes to my bed at night, therefore he rarely sleeps in his bed. Now, I hear all the time that you have to be firm. To just take him back in his room and say he has to sleep there. It's just hard for me to do that when he is screaming that he doesn't want to be alone. Like he's being tortured in there. I can't let myself go to sleep and rest when he is that miserable. I can't ignore that, so he sleeps with us. I know it's wrong, but what else can I do?


Asked by Lume1974 at 9:35 PM on Feb. 21, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (25)
  • Child abuse. *snort*

    ANyway, do you MIND? If you don't, there's seriously absolutely nothing wrong with it. Talk to him about why he doesn't like being in his room, and see if adding a night light, or closing the closet door or something would help something he's afraid of.
    You could also tell him that he needs to sleep in his bed at night, but that he can come get in bed with Mommy and Daddy "when the sun is up." Even if that's 5am, it's an improvement from late at night, and if he sleeps all morning, he'll be in his bed.

    Being "harsh" isn't the answer. Being compassionate and working with him and respecting his feelings is.

    Answer by RanaAurora at 11:22 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Don't beat yourself up. Most of the world cosleeps with their children, including us with my 3 year old :). If it works for you and you don't have a problem with it, then just go with the flow. There's no one right way when it comes to kids and sleeping. Trust me, he won't want to be there forever. There will come a time when he will want to sleep in his own room. Besides, they're only small once :). If it's uncomfortable for you, then you could set up a sleeping bag in your room for when he comes in during the middle of the night.

    Answer by hgibsonorc at 9:37 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Make his bedroom fun! My daughter put a tent on my granddaughter's bed and then had to buy her a matching sleeping bag but it works... most of the time.

    Answer by m-avi at 9:38 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • If you and your DH/SO don't have a problem with your son sleeping in your bed then it is not wrong just because other people say it is. If you want him out of your bed but with you you can try setting up a sleeping bag on the floor in your room for him to use when he wakes in the night.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 9:39 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • There is nothing wrong with co-sleeping with a four year old. If everyone is comfortable and happy and getting good sleep, I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. If you are happy with it but people are pressuring you to stop, simply tell them that this is what works for your family and to butt out. Crying it out and torturing him accomplish nothing except making him feel like his world is unsafe and you don't care if he is lonely and scared. You sound like a great mom, keep it up!!

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 9:39 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I agree with your advice is you don't like co-sleeping. My son had his own bed in our room for a long time!!

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 9:39 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Why is it wrong? Lots of kids sleep in their parents' room. Give him his own space, if not in the bed then on the floor. Let him need you a little longer and just be there for him.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 9:40 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I'm not trying to stop you as your sleeping arrangements are your business but I would recommend that you check your state laws. Here it is Child abuse for a child over the age of 4 to co sleep. Which is not a problem unless you get caught I guess

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • You need to be strong because if you get him everytime he will think this is the way it is.

    I know it is hard but he will have to learn you can not baby him anyl onger or he will never understand. You need to tell him he has to sleep in his own bed because he will become a big boy and he just can't be doing this. Get him a night light one that is favorite for him.

    Get him to sleep with one of his teddies or some stuff animal he likes pretend that the stuff animal has feelings and talks to you and go from there. GL

    Just stay strong you will be fine and so will he.


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:41 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • My son was scared of him bedroom for awhile, then my DH hung up some blue LED lights alone the ceiling and now he loves it. As long as we tuck him in and leave his blue lights on he sleeps tight in his bed.
    Just an idea...maybe try some kind of night light, or ask him why he is afraid to be alone in there. My son is not even 3 and he was able to communicate why he didn't want to be alone, hopefully that helps.

    Answer by NewMommyin06 at 9:43 PM on Feb. 21, 2009