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i moved my 15 bad attitude niece with me..PLEASE HELP

my sister died when she was a newborn, 15 years later my out of control niece moved across states because she said she wanted to change her life. she was doing drugs and running away, droped out of school and in gangs. my husband and i have tried to offer her everything possible and are very encouraging . but i see no real effort in her she continues to sleep til 3 or 5 pm stays up all night even though we take the phone and computer at 11:30 pm and she is so negative towards any changer. i really want to help her but I HONESTLY DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO OR SAY, PLEASE ANY ADVICE.

 
mommysofia

Asked by mommysofia at 10:09 PM on Feb. 21, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (9)
  • I was pretty much out of control until my sister swooped me up and gave me some tough love. Honestly, it was because i respected her more than I respected my mom and dad. My sister gave me strict rules, and made me get a job (which your niece might not be able to do at her age), she made me take college courses (is your niece going to school?) she pretty much gave me choices, but at the same time, controlled the choices. Lots of tough love, but with my own choices. When your talking to her, try not to talk at her.. do you maybe have a friend that she could relate to?? Someone who is closer to her age, that could be the middle man? Honestly, teenagers are hard, they are all different, yet all the same....
    tough love + own choices = maybe a better niece?
    eguth23

    Answer by eguth23 at 11:23 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • asking her to do an activity or a simple chore makes her catch such a nasty attitude. her dad doesnt care anbout her she hasnt spoken tri him in months. how can i get her to wake up and be more open minded
    mommysofia

    Answer by mommysofia at 10:12 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Time for a little "tough love!" Take away the computer, take away the cell phone for starters. Drive her to school/pick her up after school, do homework WITH her and/or have her SHOW you her homework when she's done. Meet with her teachers, find out what she is like at school! Impose an 8PM curfew--until she PROVES she can be trusted to stay out later (ie is where she says she is, calls when she'll be late, comes home when she is expected, etc.)

    Have her get a job--even volunteering (you can give her some spending money for her time volunteering) a great place to "work" would be in a local food bank, a daycare center, a community center--places where she can SEE how some people's choices have dramatically impacted their lives.

    Basically be her shadow, DEMAND that she follow your rules--not because you're trying to make her life "miserable" but because you love her! If she's been neglected, she needs LOTS of structure
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:19 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I myself was a latenighter at 15, and I think its a phase. But what you need to do is to sit her down and ask her what does she really want with her life. Does she want to be that person who barely graduated high school if even that, and cant find a job?

    Also have you tried seeking help from a couselor? They have programs out there to assist you with helping troubled teens. Try taking the things out of her room that could keep her up, like music. Tv. Etc. But also you have to look at how she was raised, and if that affected her.
    DandieMandie

    Answer by DandieMandie at 10:20 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Try to be on her side, when I was 15 my parents considered me being out of control as well. I was furious with my parents for splitting up when I was 8 and my mom leaving my dad for another man. Then when I was 15 he tried to take my dads place. Just try to be on her side, understand where she is coming from. She probably always has alot on her mind.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • we have sat with her many times and ask her what do u want to do with your life . we will help you get there, but she says she wants to change and then when we try to help her you know get started taking baby step she doesnt want to. or all she will do is sit there the whole time and not say a word. AT ALL. .thsnks for all the advice.!
    mommysofia

    Answer by mommysofia at 10:26 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Send her back home if she doesnt agree to change or changes by a certain date. You put a time and date on it and you'll get results one way or another.
    environmentalpa

    Answer by environmentalpa at 11:24 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I too was a night owl when I was 15...if she has no phone or computer in her room at night...just an idea but maybe put some books in there...maybe she will read them....if she is going to stay up late she may as well be doing something good.
    Briyawna

    Answer by Briyawna at 11:49 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Get her some counseling, she has a lot on her mind. Just remember she is testing you. Stick to your rules. Don't cave in. Tell her she has to do these things or she can't say. But I also agree teenagers like to stay up all night! UGH I have a couple here in my own house.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

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