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marriage....in love or not??

my husband and i have been married 9 months, we agree that had we not had my son we probobly wouldnt be together to begin with. he asures me however that when he decided to marry me it was because he fell in love with me, i have a hard time believing this ..i just dont feel that passion.. sadly i dont think im inlove with him eather. we argue alot maybe its more my fault inside im just not truelly happy. we have no romance no passion i think the reason we are still together is because we have a good "friendship" should i stick around and try and make it work for our 2 children or move on???? im so lost

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Feb. 21, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • You can learn to love him. And if you dont believe that he loves you it's because he doesnt know how to show it to you in the way that you need. Love actually truly is a choice and it is something that can be learned. I dont believe that divorce is okay just bc you guys fight a lot. Go to counseling, read books, try new things together. And maybe something will work out. Only after you feel like you have exhausted every possible turning point should it be time to give up. or maybe, TRY AGAIN. that's just IMO.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:48 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • Marriage isn't always about love. It's about partnership that's formed by a common bond. You can make the marriage work if there is a good friendship foundation but if you are not happy then break loose and let both of you find the right mate for you to make you happy. Don't torture yourself.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:39 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • I think love IS the foundation for marriage. The "partnership by a copmmon bond" what do you think the bond is made of??? LOVE. I think if your truely not in love with him then you need to get divorced. Trust me your children will know in the long run that you aren't in love with one another, they develop into adults and treat relationships like they remember their parents treating one another. I grew seeing seeing my mother and stepfather hug and kiss all the time. In turn I do the same with mine because its what I know. The point is they'll be less affectionate in future relationships and it would a great disservice to one another and your children if you don't separate. Since your friends I am sure that it would be smooth with mutual custody and then before you know it youll find a TRUE love that your children will benefit from seeing you truely happy and experiencing REAL LOVE first hand.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I was friends with my husband first and then fell in love, got pregnant 4 months later. We were going to get married anyway, but I wanted to be married before our son was born. I still think we would have gotten married later anyway. I think people believe we only got married because of the baby, but not so. Love is the basis of our marriage, and if it's not in yours, I wouldn't stay. You will just be unhappy for a long time. I remember every time my parents kissed, because it wasn't that often, they divorced after 20 years of a marriage where my mom was unhappy the whole time.
    Don't waste your life. Be happy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • You say there is no romance or passion. Have you told him this? Have you told him what you need from him? We want to believe our husbands are mind readers and they should know what to do but they don't. If you truly do not love this man don't be unfair to him and keep things going when there is nothing. Its not good for the kids either. If you are just scared you need to talk. Even seek out a marriage counselor. I would talk with a counselor anyways. Have that unbiased person giving you an unbiased outside professional opinion/advice. Marriage is very different from dating. Its real work every day, all day, both of you.
    mineralgirlzmom

    Answer by mineralgirlzmom at 1:35 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I agree with Admckenzie. I think it was brave that the two of you did get married and make a solid effort for the kids sake. Your writing makes me sad. Since, I also believe people should be "happy" in a relationship. If you are arguing all the time, that's not good. And not good for the kids either. I think you two need to have a serious talk and a decision to make. If you decide to be apart, it doesn't mean you can't be great parents.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 1:40 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • TO BE HONEST NO ONE COULD ANSWER THAT FOR YOU BUT IF YOU GUYS AREN'T HAPPY AND YOU FIGHT ALOT YOU MAY WANT TO THINK OF ANOTHER OPTION BECAUSE IT ISN'T GOOD FOR THE KIDS. SEE I GOT MARRIED OUT OF FORCE AND I STAYED WITH HIM FOR TWO OF THOSE YEARS AND I HATED BEING AROUND HIM SO IFINALLY DECIDED TO LET IT GO BECAUSE I COULDN;T MAKE IT WORK BUT IF YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK ITS THE BEST THING TO DO
    sniyah

    Answer by sniyah at 2:41 AM on Feb. 22, 2009