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OMG someone help please

I've always tried to be the best mommy ever, just like all of us. So I let my son sleep with my since he was born because he loved it. Now he is 10 months old and moving around pretty good. So after I put him to bed I will put him in his crib to avoid any accidents of him falling off the bed. Periodically in the night he will wake up, look for me, and fall back asleep when he sees me. But when he doesnt see me he will start screaming!!!! Sometimes at night he needs to be in his crib when I am out of the room doing something but now it seems like he knows within 20 minutes from when I leave the room. I tried putting something in his crib that smells like me. It doesn't work. And I think he might be too old for the cry it out method. PLEASE HELP!! I need to get stuff done at night after he goes to bed, and this is making it impossible!!!
And I already know that I caused this problem, so please dont reinform me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Feb. 21, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (11)
  • well if youre okay with cry it out method he isnt too old.
    Chandra034

    Answer by Chandra034 at 12:04 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • He's not too old to CIO. It will suck, but it's the fastest way.
    bethelann2004

    Answer by bethelann2004 at 12:04 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I am having the same exact dilemma! What I do now is wait for my husband to go to bed so I can get up and do my stuff. Not the solution I want. Sorry I can't help. I'm actually gonna go back to your question later to see some answers.
    erlsk

    Answer by erlsk at 12:08 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • If all he is doing is looking for comfort, go back in and assure him you are there. Once he falls back asleep go back to what you were doing. If may take a few nights of reassurance but then he will wake and know if needed you will come. By doing this it continues the trusting relationship you have already built and completes a wonderful transfer to the crib. Hang in there and know this is not an overnight thing but with patience and love everything will come out OK.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • First. you DID NOT cause a problem. If anyone cause the problem, God did because he programmed babies to be WITH their mommies at night.

    Go pick up a copy of The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It will help. For tonight, check out drjaygordon.com for his article on transitioning baby out of the family bed.

    And above all...remember that nothing you believe you need to do is as important as the baby. Dishes? They'll wait. They won't walk away. (Trust me...I go to bed nightly hoping that they will. I deal with them in the morning.)
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:03 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • It's actually pretty normal for him to be waking up to look for you. He's getting use to falling back to sleep without you there. If you are consistent in responding to his cries, he will eventually realize that you will come when he cries and won't have to keep "testing" it. The CIO method can work for some babies, but not always. If your baby is really persistant, social, or "needy" then CIO can actually cause more harm than good. I actually read about a Harvard study that concluded that the stress hormones released during long periods of un-attended CIO (where you just leave them alone vs. coming in to at least pat them on the back or talk to them) can interfere with long-term learning and lead to future anxiety issues. Check out my journal page for the details. Nurturing little ones as they develop trust is HARD work! But if you are consistent in meeting their needs they will grow into independant kids and adults.
    MamaSueCongdon

    Answer by MamaSueCongdon at 1:05 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • YUP YUP, gotta agree with the last 2 posters. You are not doing anything wrong and neither is baby it is normal you sleep with him because you realize the beautiful connection and he is just 10 months old and still needs nigh time parenting.

    Are you worried about leaving him cause you don't want him to fall and get hurt?
    Sounds like it's time to make your bed baby friendly!
    We took our bed off of the frame/wheels and just stuck the box spring and mattress on the floor. That pretty much solves the problem because 1. babies can usually get down from that high up when they are walking and 2. if baby DOES fall, it's not as far.

    If he is not walking yet you can get a bed rail to use so he doesn't fall off.

    If he likes to crawl off the END of the bed you can further remove the box spring for a while.

    cont ...
    Arkaidy

    Answer by Arkaidy at 2:18 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • ...cont

    If hte problem is that he is waking right after you leave, a crib won't solve that either, since he is already alone when you leave.

    As OP mentioned, the No Cry Sleep Solution will be your salvation, it even shows you how to continue cosleeping and get baby to sleep better, you just have to follow her advice.

    good luck trust your instincts!

    oh, and I tried CIO with my 20 month old ONE time for 10 minutes recently and it did more harm than good, she already knows mommy should come when she needs her so she just got very upset like I was abandoning her ... no thanks!
    Arkaidy

    Answer by Arkaidy at 2:20 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • Last three nailed it right on!!!!! Exactly what I was thinking all around!! It's tough Momma, but you really won't have to do for the rest of their life. Or yours. Just offer care and support now, and they will forever use it.
    angeladh82

    Answer by angeladh82 at 2:29 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • exactly! My daughter would NOT sleep in her crib I tried the CIO method and after six weeks of sheer agony for both of us, her vomiting and hyper ventalating I had enough. I did what I NEEDED TO DO, to get on with my life. She slept in our bed for about a year. We ended up putting a toddler bed in her room at about a year old and she started napping in it, then sleeping at night in it. She would still get up in the night but I would go in lay by her for a minute and she would go back to sleep. If neccesary put the toddler bed in your room. My ped gave me this advice. Then slowly move the toddler bed out into the hallway then closer to their room etc. It works in severe cases. We didnt have to go that far but the big toddler bed celebration makes an impact.
    chucks1girl

    Answer by chucks1girl at 9:44 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

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