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Any advice for a mother with older child.

I have a 20 yrs. old child who is dating a girl who is 6mo. pg. Not his child but now they are going to get married on March 11th. I personally think they are rushing and need to slow down but nothing his family or friends say is seeping into his head. I don't hate the girl or her child to be just concerned on how fast it is all going. any advice from anyone.

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maryhlangley

Asked by maryhlangley at 9:53 AM on Feb. 22, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Sometimes there isnt much you can do about it. Id sit down and ask what the rush is, and see about maybe having him wait til the baby is born since getting married and having a baby is difficult for any couple. He might not listen, but hes an adult and they dont have to.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:55 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • Oh dear. The right thing for him to do would be to wait a while. If you have already discussed this with him, there doesn't seem anything that you can do. Did you put it to him that waiting would only have good results? If waiting brings them apart then this is good because it happened before they got married. If waiting results in their becoming closer, then that is also good. If it goes through, then be a good MIL to her, and hope that all goes well. If it doesn't, then you will be there to help him pick up the pieces.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:02 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I'd be asking him if he really wanted to be paying child support on another man's child if this marriage doesn't work out. He should wait until after the baby is born but that's just my opinion
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:52 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I say your son is one hell of a man for taking on another mans kid and he wont have to pay child support all he has to do is ask for a dna test my bil did the samething married a pregnant girl after 3 weeks and when they were going to get a divorced his lawyer said that hed have to take a dna test to prove the child isnt his
    aubrees_mommie

    Answer by aubrees_mommie at 8:07 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • i would say time too let go mom if not you will loose your son he is grown now sounds like he is doing what he wants
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • My 20 year old daughter got pregnant at 18 and married the father. They fight all the time, and she has turned nasty toward everyone including myself, and her dad. My son-in-law is very controlling and they barely speak to me, my husband, and her little sister. Unfortunate as it is, there is nothing you can do, except be there when needed and step back. It hurts to see it, but they need to learn from their own mistakes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • Well, I would advise him and her (talk to both of them) about waiting until a few months after the baby was born that way they can have a wedding without her being pregnant and they will also be past the newborn baby stage. Also, your son will not have to pay child support just because they do get married if they do get divorced unless he puts his name on the birth certificate. As long as he doesn't do that there won't be a concern there.
    ramita

    Answer by ramita at 12:42 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • I would just try to convience them to have a religious wedding first, you know church. Then if that works our later on actually make it llegal?
    xocyncyn

    Answer by xocyncyn at 1:08 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

  • My parents knew each other for about 3 months when they got married. It lasted 33 years. Until he went through a mid life crirsis
    granmaw56

    Answer by granmaw56 at 5:25 AM on Feb. 27, 2009

  • He is a grown man now. Though very difficult I know, especially since us Mom's have a sixth sense and can intuitively tell when there is pending "doom". With that said, some times, we as Mom's, have to lead, sometimes we follow. I know you all are sick of me saying that, but it's true. Now you follow. Though I would sit both of them down and put it all on the table so to speak. Voice your concerns, your thoughts, and then you'll have to leave it at that. No matter what you say, they have to make their own mistakes and will! Let your son know that no matter what, you are there for him and will never be a failure to you if he "falls". Also let him know that it is noble and kindhearted for him to want to take on the responsibility of another man's child, but in the same token it is very stressful and will be a hard road ahead. Being a Mom of an adult child is a delicate situation, because they are no longer "children",

    blessed5x

    Answer by blessed5x at 10:50 PM on Feb. 27, 2009

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