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Last Thursday,my children's "adopted grandfather passed away from cancer. Robert is 7,McKayla is 5. The funeral is tomorrow. We are struggling with whether or not to take them to the funeral. We visited witht the family yesterday. They seem to be doing "okay" for the moment.

He had been sick for a very long time but in the past six months had really gone downhill. He was at the cross cancer in Edmonton,Alberta,Canada,waiting to be brought home when he passed.

His wife Mary is a wonderful woman. They are actually my sister-in-laws parents,but when my mom passed away in 03 we sked Mark and mary to be the kids adopted grandparents. My dad was killed in a logging related accident in 1987.

They for the most part understand about dying.
I am torn as to wether or not to take them to the funeral tomorrow

What would any of you do. Any advice is very welcome
Thanks

Answer Question
 
squawk1998

Asked by squawk1998 at 11:40 AM on Feb. 22, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • IMO I would take them. Death is a fact of life. Allow your children to say goodbye and give them closure, that is why we have funerals. While there they can hear, from the eulogies, all the wonderful things about him that they can hold in their memories. Then the last memories of their grandfather aren't of him being ill, they are how much people loved and admired him.
    MomShawn70

    Answer by MomShawn70 at 11:46 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I agree, they should have the chance to say goodbye to him, they need that.
    lilbit837

    Answer by lilbit837 at 11:49 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I would take them if they understand what's going on. When I was 6, my best friend was hit by a car and killed, my mom wouldn't let me go to the funeral. It crushed me. She thought she was protecting me, but it really hurt (especially cause I knew the rest of my family was getting to go, and i was not)...I knew what a funeral was...and I wanted to feel part of it. I realize now that it wasn't all about me, but she was my best friend in the whole world...and I think saying goodbye would have helped me deal with it better than I did.

    momjoy1027

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 11:51 AM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I would take them, especially since these people play a huge role in their lives. I didn't go to hardly any funerals when I was younger only because my grandparents were still alive, and the people who did die, I wasn't close with at all. If they understand about dying, then I think it should be alright. Plus they'll have a chance to say goodbye.
    ap9902

    Answer by ap9902 at 1:14 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • Children learn about life by living. Dying is a part of living. teaching them that death is a natural thing. That it is an opportunity to say goodbye, the funeral is for the living..to honor the dead. I always have taken my kids. I took my grnadkids to my Grandmothers funeral just a few weeks ago in January. She is almost 6 he is 4. During the service she drew a picture on a pad, I didn't pay that much attn. As the service was ending the minister asked if anyone had anything to add. My g/d jumped up and said I do. The next thing I know she is walking up to the casket and the minister picked her up so she could put the pic in. As we were all passing by at the end I saw the pic. It was of my g/d and my grandmother with flowers all around. Crystal wrote at the bottom (mispelled of course) "save me a place gramma flo". I thought that said a lot
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 1:41 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • My husband's grandfather passed away in December we chose not to take my son and he will be 9. The reason was we were afraid it would bring back memories of his brother's funeral. However, when we got there other kids were there and we saw that they were ok. We decided that we are going to make it his choice from now on if it is a family member. So if you think it would benefit them to have a chance to say good-bye give them the choice.
    robinsi2000

    Answer by robinsi2000 at 1:51 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • If it's open casket, I wouldn't take them. Let them remember him as he was.

    TiccledBlue

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 2:36 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I would take them only if there are going to be other kids around there age. Otherwise I see no reason to take them, they will have enough to go to when they are older.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I would take them if they want to go and you don't have to make them go up to the casket if they don't want to. We lost 4 family members when my son was between the ages of 7 and 9 and each time we gave him the choice to go to the funeral or not. With my MIL he didn't want to visit her toward the end because she was so sick, but he did choose to go to her funeral.

    My neighbor who we were really close to passed when I was about 10 and my mom didn't let me and my siblings go "to protect us" and it made me really sad that I didn't get to say good bye.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 7:49 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

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