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How long is too long to wait to talk to your husband after a fight and who should say they're sorry?

My husband and I were having a conversation on Thursday via telephone ..because he's in the Navy and lives in Va while I in Indiana..he asked what i was doing and I told him I was researching for my 18 yr old son about how to spot legitimate work at home offers and how to spot the scams so they he can empower himself...but the all of the sudden my husband gets mad and becomes a jerk. We hang up..I call him back 3 times and he doesnt answer. He finally calls back the next day but is still quite the jerk..and turns the entire conversation around to be all about him. It was just a simple thing I was doing for my teen..that's it..the conversation got to be really ugly between my husband and I and I am really hurt by it and very confused. It's stupid yes..but that's what happens when I try to have a simple conversation with him..same thing with our conversation about dif between vegs and fruit..he got upset over a simple fun topic.


Asked by praughta at 12:50 PM on Feb. 22, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • It sounds like he's got a case of male PMS.
    From what it sounds like he's very stressed and worried about his family and job. I'm sure being away from you guys is a hard thing for him. Maybe ask him if he's had a bad day and want to talk about things. If not (as hard as it is..) just keep changing the subjects to find something he wants to talk about, and if he gets mad just say "Sorry babe, what would you like to talk about?" be just polite and nice. If he's still being silly about things just say "Look it was wonderful to talk to you tonight, and I hope things will be better for you in the morning, but I can't handle you getting mad over every little thing so I"m going to go now. I love you and goodnight."
    I'll bet you if you just stay calm and collected over the whole thing, he'll realize that he's being silly and probably apologize for his behavior. Don't ignore calls or anything, just be nice and polite, and lend an ear

    Answer by DesignerMom0801 at 2:19 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • Wow, sounds like he might want the conversation to be about him. Maybe when he asked you what you were doing, he would have liked you to say you were missing him, thinking about him, etc. Just a thought. It sounds like he's being a self centered little boy and hoping your phone conversations will revolve around him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • There is something else going on. You may not even be aware of it. His back may already have been up and you just got the brunt of it. Now he may still be hurt and steaming and what happened between you is only part of it. For the sake of your marriage, for the love that you have for your husband, apologize. Don't even refer to the fact that he reacted inappropriately. You know the facts, you don't need to have him agree that he was in the wrong. What difference does it make in the long run. Your marriage and the man you love are what matters, so apologize.


    Answer by Bmat at 1:05 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • I always say I'm sorry no matter who is at fault. Weak? I don't think so. It's really selfish on my part. It's all about me really. If I stay mad and don't say it (or wait for him to say it) precious time goes by wasted. I don't want that. I'm quick to apologize so I can get things smoothed out as quickly as possible. To me it doesn't matter who was wrong. I can always deal with that later. I just want peace between us. Plus I lose out on sex when we're fighting or waiting for an apology and I can't have that! So it's all in what you want. Saying' I'm sorry isn't quite so bad if you put salt on it! lol My guy is Air Force and he would rather have teeth pulled out with a wrench and no pain killer than to say I'm sorry! The big baby. Good thing I'm such a smart woman!

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:26 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • OH I have the SAME problem with my DH!! He is away from home alot and sometimes when we are going to be apart for along time its almost like we unintentionally just pick fights with each other that way we feel we will not miss each other as much of we are mad at each other! We do this ALL the time. Honestly we don't mean to, but its like a mental coping condition that we both have! I know that he is far from home and he was the one picking the fight, but just give him a call and tell him that you are sorry you guys were fighting and remind him that you love him and think of him all the time. It will make him feel so much better about the whole thing and you should be getting a sorry back! Just think of this everytime you fight- what if you both hung up and he was in a wreck and died? Is it really worth wondering whos turn it is to say sorry? GL

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 1:34 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • Maybe he thinks your son should be in school rather than working from home?

    Do you often fight about your son?

    Answer by Wimsey at 1:35 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • Hi son goes to college and works in the evening. He helps around the house. He's the man while my husband is gone. So I dont understand why he's so upset about it. My son was just curious so before he got too wrapped up in it I thought I'd help. Isnt that what parents do?

    Answer by praughta at 1:39 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • He's never hoped that his son would follow in his footsteps and join the Navy has he?

    that might be bugging him? Just a thought....

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 1:45 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • actually ..yes. He did hope for this.

    Answer by praughta at 1:58 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • That must be a sensitive issue then. When you speak to him then, just be sure to tell him that you would understand that he had hoped on his son taking his foot steps, but that did not happen and that is not your fault. However your son is your son as much as he is you DH, and you can not deny him help just because you DH did not get his way. Your son is 18- he will decide what he wants to do in life. Just because it may not be what his father had hoped does not mean its a bad path and that you as his mother can not help him on his way on his own path. Your son is not a drunk or druggie, does not rob banks, or mootch off you guys he sounds responsible to me. It just sounds like your DH does not know how to discuss this issue with his own son, so he takes his feelings out on you. That may be the issue.

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 2:33 PM on Feb. 22, 2009