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My 13 Year old step-daughter "hates" me

My 13 year old stepdaughter, "Mandy", told her Dad (my husband) that she hates me. She is often rude to me or storms off and doesn't talk to me. I hae a 9 year old son and onthe weekends I take him and Mandy out for bike rides, walks whatever. We are always out having fun. It is my belief that the girl really likes me a lot but is afraid to admit that and feels that if she likes me that somehow she is betraying her mom. My husband divorced her mom 8 years before we even met so I am not a homewrecker or anything. I just don't know how to handle any of this and me and my husband are getting sick over it.

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Asked by lizrider at 7:03 PM on Feb. 22, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (5)
  • She'll grow out of it. I've had two different stepmoms since I was five years old. I went through that rebellious "I hate all grownups" phase when I was a teenager too. I said some mean things to my current stepmom because I thought she was taking my dad away from me. Now I know nothing could be further from the truth. I grew out of it and your stepdaughter probably will too. Just keep acting like a friend towards her and she'll change eventually.

    Answer by caitxrawks at 7:06 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • When our kids get mad at us, they may say they "hate" us. But their communication skills are just not good. She may be mad at you for something. Do something fun together (just the girls. husband spends quality time with your son). Include lunch to talk to her to see if she isstill mad at you. Don't say that your husband told you (she may get mad that her dad broke a confidence) just say that you were feeling something different between you two, and you want to know what to do to make it better. We have some good parenting books on (CJKidz Favorite things and then select the parent's favorite things or use this link You could also buy her a diary ( products page) and tell her when you were her age, you had lots of feelings and it helped writing them down.

    Answer by momjs at 8:57 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • trust me at 13 all girls hate there moms step or not step its just the teen yrs she will get over it and be fine

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:16 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • i myself have had 2 step moms and 2 step dad I've hated both my step moms and my first step dad and consider my current step dad my dad i think its just something every child goes through. I had a bad relationship with my first step mom (the mother of my sisters and brother) and wish that i could make things right i thought she kept my dad from me but it was him and now her and my sisters and brothers live 300 miles away and if my dd and i are lucky we get to see the kids twice a year so dont take it personally its just a thing she's going through maybe shes like i was and thinks your taking away her time with her dad just sit her down and talk to her about her feelings maybe if she sees you care about her and not just cause your married to her dad she'll resent you less

    Answer by aubrees_mommie at 10:56 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

  • With teen girls I think its a constant love/hate relationship. I mean one day, my niece (I'm her guardian) loves me, then two minutes later she hates me. As long as I she doesn't go as far as disrespecting me, normally I try to let the hate vibes go.

    Like someone suggested. Have a girls day out, and chat. You both may be surprised. Good luck, and hang in there.


    Answer by mommyaunt412 at 3:44 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

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