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ok am I stupid???

OK my son's father lives 600 miles away. His mother does not like me and does not want her son in his son's life. He just turned 18 last week. I still love him with all my heart (he said he loved me a awhile ago but we don't really talk about 'us' anymore.) I don't ask for child support because he didn't have anything. All i ask is that he stay in my son's life (and he's trying even though they are so far apart) His mother doesnt let him us the phone much ( he steals it to speak to us) so I got him one in my name he is just going to pay the bill somehow. I kno i'm a young fool in love lol but some ppl feel I'm dumb for not going for child support. My son is fully covered there is never a moment when he lacks anything. As long as he knows his dad i'm cool. What do you think about my situation? Am i really being dumb?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on Feb. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • no, im sorry about his mother. what a horrible situation
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 12:52 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Time to grow up a little and face the hard facts of life. You MUST go straight to the courts and request child support. Don't let anyone make you think that you're trying to be a "gold digger". Do it for your son! The dad is 18? He's an adult now and must take care of his responsibilities. Being "cool" with the situation is not the way to think right now. Why in the world would you put a phone in his name? I bet you anything he won't make good on his promise to "somehow" pay the bill. Honestly, I think you need to get a stronger back bone - stand up and be a proud, hard working, young woman who will do whatever it takes to be the best mother you can for your baby.

    Sorry if this is sounding too harsh, but I've been there and done that, and only wish someone had given me this advice way back when...........
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Are you stupid? No absolutely not. It is normal and good to want your son to have a father. It has been proven that children raised with both a mom and dad have a better chance of living a happy successful life. Children, especially boys, need to have a good father figure. Now for what I think of your situation. First of, he is 18 now so he is an adult AND a father. He needs to start acting like an adult. The best senario for you two is for him to get a job and move away from his mom and closer to you. If there is any hope for you two as a couple he has to get away from his mother and grow up. He needs to be the one to decide whether or not he is going to be in his son's life. You cannot force him to be and if you try it will only make it worse. He needs to decide to be there for his son.
    AnnaMac

    Answer by AnnaMac at 1:02 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I don't think having him pay child support would do anything. Just because your paying doen't mean your being a father. My dad paid child support and always brought me things but he still was rarely there in my life. I would much rather they have a emotional relationship than a monetary one. Im not forcing him to be in neither my life nor my sons. He chooses to see how we're doing all the time. But alot of my friends and family are stressing child support. My mom gets 8.75 a week for my little brother. Is it really worth it? As for the phome thing, yea i feel im making a HUGE mistake i guess i should go with my gut
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I'm sorry that you are in that situation, i'm sure it's not easy : (
    I hope other single moms read this and learn something from you. I think it's great that your doing everything you can so that he can stay in contact with you and your son. Most single moms would jump all over getting him for child support. Hopefully things will get easier for you all soon, until then you should feel good knowing that your a good person and a great mom. My mom didn't ask my dad for child support yet he chose to do every thing he could for us. He basically stopped his life to make sure we had everything we needed and wanted. It feels so good to know that everything he did for me was b/c he wanted to, not because he was court ordered. He lived about 2,000 miles away and my mom welcomed him to our home when he could visit and we flew out to visit him alot. I hope that things work out for you two and you can one day be a happy family.
    Mommy0425

    Answer by Mommy0425 at 1:33 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • i dont think you are stupid. if you dont want/need the child support then thats up to you. i agree that an emotional relationship is more important than the money for your son. However, I'd probably rethink the phone thing if it were me. you dont need him ruining credit by missing a few payments. JMO though.
    Chandra034

    Answer by Chandra034 at 1:35 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I think you should still get child support established and don't ever use your credit to get a phone for someone else, they screw up and its your credit that gets ruined.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 7:38 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Not stupid, but foolish- he is NOT being an adult at all and you are making it easier for him to not take responsibility. His mommy won't let him be a dad to his child? Sounds like a good excuse to not grow up and be a man! Child support could go into a savings account for your child, just because you can afford to raise this baby alone now doesn't mean you will be able to in a year or two. I think it is great that you are trying to keep him involved but IMO you are making it way too easy for him.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 8:20 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

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