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A sisters death...

im 31 yrs old and my sister who at the time was 37 died last september...i took the death extreamly hard...lost alot of faith.......i worked side by side with her for 3 yrs actually i worked with her the day bfore they found her.......and i thought i was comng to terms with it when BAM! feelings come rushing in all over again..im the one who walked into her room ( with her 15 yr old dd) and sen the blood in her brain cath...anurism ruputured again...instant death...i guess my question is how long is normal for morning? ( i lost my father when i was 24 my sisters death brought that loss back too) :o(

 
RIERIE

Asked by RIERIE at 2:21 AM on Feb. 23, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • You will never stop mourning your sister. There is nothing wrong with that. Our brains need a lot of time to process the information. When your sister died, your whole world changed. It is like walking outside one day to find all of the trees have disappeared. At first, it would be shocking and surreal. The world just wouldn't look right. Then you might remember the backyard swing that hung from the branches, climbing to the top, picking apples. Then there would be things you may not have thought of at first. On hot days there would be no shade, on cold days no wood for the fireplace, no more campfires, no maple syrup. Each thing a reminder of how much you depended on trees and how much you lost and you would constantly have to find new ways to survive. Each time you would figure it out and learn how to cope. It would get easier, but it would take a long time to get used to... and you'd never stop missing the Autumn leaves.
    FlyMom07

    Answer by FlyMom07 at 4:29 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • we lived at the hospital for 2 months before she passed........i have nightmares about that........
    RIERIE

    Answer by RIERIE at 2:23 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know if we can ever get over people we love dying. All I know is sometimes death of one loved one brings back the loss of other loved ones. The pain never really leaves us and it resurfaces when we think we have it all together. But I do think we learn to find the one special thing every day that helps us make it through the pain. It does get better but sometimes the memory and the pain comes back. Just try to remember something about them that you cherished, a laugh you shared, a secret, or just a simple quiet moment. The pain doesn't leave but the fun loving memories never leave as well. Just remember the good times when those memories come back.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 3:17 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I'm very sorry for your loss. I would talk to a counsleor or find a support group. I'm sure there is no normal time to grieve and that it the process would bring up the past. Healing takes time, and there is no certain "time" that works. I wish there was an answer for you. Do you have family that works as a support system--let them know how you feel too. Hugs and warm thoughts to you and your family.
    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 3:20 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Grief never stops. You just get used to living with it. I like to think of grief like the ocean. When it first hits and it's a big loss (like a sibling), you get thrown into the middle of the ocean in a storm, and it's all you can do to keep from drowning. But after some time, you can learn how to ride the waves as they roll in. And you can learn to have faith that even though storms will come and go, and there will always be times of rough waters, there will also be calmer, quieter times when it's easy to swim and keep your head above water.

    A key to healing for me (I am no stranger to grief) has been finding a purpose in my pain. When I am feeling a loss moer acutely than usual, I start loking for the purpose in it. How did it help me? What gifts did I recieve from this experience of loss? I know it can be hard to come up with ideas of what these gifts could be, but just try. (cont'd)
    BlueFrogMama

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 7:10 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • (cont'd) It will get easier with time, and you'll have a life raft to cling to when the water gets rough. Always count your blessings, never count your losses. That motto has gotten me through a lot.
    BlueFrogMama

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 7:11 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • First I want to say Im very sorry you had to endure all this sadness. I too lost a sister . She was 37. We think it was her transplants that failed. I miss her everyday still. She passed away on August 3 1995. Keep your faith in God and if you dont have faith in God, ask Him for the faith. I pray you get through this so you can function. You are not alone in your sorrow, I think you are perfectly normal.
    God Bless You ,
    mom of two 278
    Momoftwo278

    Answer by Momoftwo278 at 7:27 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I lost my brother in 2003, he was only 31. It was very hard. I don't think that you really ever get over it, but you just learn to except it and go on each day. I think for me it was a little easier because I found out that I was pregnant shortly after he died. So I had to really take care of myself and my son. I think of my brother every single day, many times a day. We don't have all the answers as to what happened, so that makes it harder. I am so sorry for your loss, and hope it will get easier for you. In your situation it probably is harder being that you found her, so that I can see would be very difficult. Try and find a support group, or even find a counselor you can open up to. Best of luck to you.
    Tiffany237

    Answer by Tiffany237 at 8:29 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • thak you all so very very very much!!!!!!!!!!!
    RIERIE

    Answer by RIERIE at 11:43 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • What got me through my uncles death was faith in God. He was a great father figure in my life..I would not have ever gotten through with it if i didnt allow God to comfort me..We cant see Him right , so how can He comfort us?..Well , its very possible. and if we allow Him to heal us and comfort us then we will be fine. Life is not supposed to be easy ...You may never forget the experiences that you went through with the Passing of your father and sister, but it is great to know that you are never alone. and that God loves us and understands our pain..Maybe you already know that .But just know that there is a time where God will turn your grief into love and appreciation for those we still have with us..
    Im still in a sense mourning my uncles death in away, but im comforted to know that God was able to bless me with a wonderful , loving, caring, humourus, cheerful Uncle while growing up. Im so greatful for that ! God bless
    aMbeR012005

    Answer by aMbeR012005 at 11:49 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

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