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When i pick my 5 yo son up from visiting his father,

its impossible to get him out of the truck to come home. My x is a disneyland dad and lets him do what ever he wants, candy, toys, etc, and my x fills his head that im a bad and mean mommy. we are at the beginning stages and Family services isnt involved yet. Of course X wont do anything but stand there and watch him cry. Id rather not lure him with toys either. But i hate to see my son go through that. Suggestions?

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Thalie

Asked by Thalie at 6:42 AM on Feb. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (5)
  • Its actually really normal. Some kids dont do well with visits and exchanges and it takes awhile for them to get used to it. You just have to ignore his crying and pick him up and put him in the car. Thats what I had to do early on when my kids were young like yours. I did end up taking them to counseling for a time until they were adjusted to the visiting. That can be handy because sometimes kids dont understand and even if we tell them they think were just mean, but hearing it from other people that its normal and other kids visit too sometimes help. When you do go to court make sure they add no bad mouthing of the parent while the childs in either home.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:47 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • why would you get family services invovled? you can pull him aside and ask nicely not to bad mouth you. Just cause you two have problems and "dislike" each other those feelings should not reflect on your child. My ex and I divorced in 1994. We really don't talk too each other but neither of us bad mouth the other one to our child. AS for him spoiling your child. Well I say enjoy. I'm thinking you have custodial and he lives with you? Well bribery only goes so far eventually our child will learn that while dad gives him everylittle thing his heart desires that doesn't make him the best parent.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:55 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I have the same problem, I picked our boys up yesterday from their visit and their Dad said "Their all sugared up, ha ha ha" I just got the boys in the car and left... I have learned to ignore him, everytime I see him it just confirms why he's my ex...... And that was mild compared to most of the things he has said......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • It is very normal for that to be happening when you pick him up after visiting. It's a hard thing to adjust to as a child. My children did the same thing. I would say things like, I understand you wish you could see your daddy more. I bet you had so muc fun, tell me about it. And normally they would tell me what they did. If they didn't say anything and just kept crying I would just say, k, I'll wait till your not so sad but then I would love to hear how much fun you had. And let them deal with it how they need to deal with it. You can still put him in the truck with him crying, help him figure out how he's feeling and give him the opportunity to talk. It's ok that dad spoils him. He'll understand more of that when he's older honest.
    yw8t4life

    Answer by yw8t4life at 11:08 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • i hear all of you. and i know what im dealing with isnt as bad as others. Ive been doing some research on emotional abuse and am finding that he fits the descriptions to a "T". There is a court order to not say bad mommy in front of me but when he has them he does all he can to turn them against me, family services is getting involved and i have a court order for councelling for my son. i do ignore him but he constantly harasses me while im waiting for my son to get out of the car wich he wont. and my X just stands there. i am going to change the pick up and drop off to inside the library, because dummy me has it in a park and ride where no one can witness my X's behavior. hes all sweet as pie when there are people around
    Thalie

    Answer by Thalie at 7:15 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

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