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My husband doesn't do anything! How can I....

get him to help out more? When it comes to our 14 month old daughter, it seems like I do everything....and when I do ask him to help out I feel like it bothers him or aggravates him and usually starts an arguement. I mean isn't everything supposed to be 50/50 or am I in the wrong?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:12 AM on Feb. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • It depends. If the mom is a SAHM and if the dad works full time out of the home plus takes care of the cars and home repairs and other home responsibilities, then he may consider his share of the tasks as taken care of. If he starts an argument, it sounds as though he considers that he does his share. You should get some time off from your 24/7 job. An evening a week, or a morning on the weekend, regardless.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:22 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • It depends on how your relationship is set up. Im a stay home mom so my husbands jobs is to work and bring home money so I can pay bills with it. Mine is to take care of the house and kids. Now mine does help on occasion around the house and has limited chores. He takes out the trash, maybe drives the teens here and there, takes them shopping if its something hes interested in, and I do the same with the smaller kids. But if you stay home and he works then Id say its fair he doesnt do as many chores since he is doing a large chore already, working.

    Answer by gemgem at 7:44 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I'm with the depends on the circumstances of your relationship....what was said before kids about how things would be divided? If he said then that kids would mostly be your responsibility, knew it was going to be this way. If it was decided that he would help out...then you need to sit down and talk to him about it. If it was never discussed....well, now would be a great time to do that!

    I stay at home and the house and kids are my responsibility. My husband works long hours, so he does take over in the evenings with the kids (house is still mine) because it's the only time he gets to spend with them...putting them to bed.

    Now, if you're working full time, as is he, then *I* think there should be more of a division in the total responsibilities...but it's up to the two of you to sit down and work it out...

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 8:22 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Hah ya suppose to be 50/50!!! Never is though.

    Answer by Briyawna at 9:49 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Well, if your expectations are not being met, have you considered any form of counseling with your husband so that the two of you can sit down, talk about BOTH of your needs/expectations and how to meet them - using a third party can help guide you through emotional blocks that you wouldn't otherwise be able to overcome on your own. If every time you ask for help it turns into, or nearly into, an argument, then there are definitely communication issues that should be resolved before your relationship sours. I would recommend counseling to help both of you learn how to communicate better and explore your needs/expectations in the relationship.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 10:03 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I've been in relationships like that. I would try to talk with him and see how he feels. Not during the middle of asking him to do something but later in the evening when you are both just relaxing. Just ask him nicely what he's thinking when you ask him things. Could be something as simple as him not feeling like he knows what he's doing and that he may do something wrong. I have found that in the past I set myself up for them telling me no cause I have wanted something done my way and in my time not when they do it or how they do it. Now with my husband if I ask he does it. If I know he's doing something he really enjoys or he's had a bad day at work I don't ask him to help out and if I've had a bad or stressful day at the house he helps with out me asking. I don't think this is the norm though I know most women wish it were. I ask my husband for something and his only comment is I'm on it. Regardless of what he's doing.

    Answer by yw8t4life at 10:57 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Nothing is 50/50 anymore. When I used to stay home with the kids I never asked for the any help from my Husband. When I decided to go back to work because being home is way to boring for me. My husband thought things were still the same. Shame on him. No it is not. We both work the same amount of hours therefore while dinner is being prepared you sit down at that table and help with homework. We now have an understanding after I have threatened to leave but it worked.

    Answer by mommatime78 at 12:04 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • My dh helps with the kids and the house, he works full time and I am a sahm. He wanted the kids too and we both take care of them, yes I do more then him, but I am home with them all day. But he helps when he gets home and he does alot on weekends. You need to talk to your dh and tell him how you feel.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

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