Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Experiences and/or Opinions about dating while seperated or divorcing?

Hubby and I seperated (no legal seperation in our state), but we "agreed" to this. I called a "very old ex" that lived in the area that I was new in to catch up and meet people. I had "no intentions" of starting a relationship with him or anyone else rather I actually divorced or not due to emotional state and the fact I have children. After it happened anyway I realized "how naive" I really was, as well hubby and I decided to work things out. "Thank God!" Do you think it's okay to date while seperated or while going through a divorce? If not, then how long should one wait before putting themselves back out there? I don't want to imagine seperation or divorce again.....but now know that if a friend going through what I went through asked I would advise them not to at all until they really felt good about themselves again, have theirself together, and all settled with their kiddos if they have them. After two years maybe.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Feb. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I think it's different for each person. It depends on how they are feeling. But if they want to, they should do it. Some people might be ready the day they want out the door from their spouse because of emotional separation for years. You never know. It may take some years because they were blind-sided by a cheating husband and they were still in love with him. Everyone is different and they should do what feels right for them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I do not feel that there is a time limit on it..
    You have to be totally over the person before you put someone else in your life.
    For some people that can be months, a year, a couple of years, unfortunalty for some people they never get over it..
    Only you know when you are ready to date again.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 10:26 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I agree with the PP... took the words out of my mouth
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 10:26 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I don't think you should date until divorce is final. That's just me though. I think in sense it's still cheating till it is a final divorce. I think how long to wait on putting yourself out there really depends. If you have kids how will they react to you "replacing" Dad? If they are old enough let them tell you when they are comfortable with it, if not wait and when you do date. if they show signs of being upset by it then I think it's still too soon.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 10:28 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • It is my personal opinion that people who are separated should not date others. You have to end one relationship before moving to another. Dating anyone leavves you open to falling for someone else complicating everyones life. I don't feel people who are getting divirced should date until it is final...same reason. I have many friends who have done this over the years and it always turns out badly. Hurt feeling, feeling of being cheated on...finding a terrific guy..and then you husband wants to work it out. Moving from one relationship to another takes time. Let one finish and the dust settle before jumping into the next.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:30 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • My Dh was going thru a divorce an the courts tokk abt 7mo. to get the papers, We started dating 3mo. after his seperation an living together when he got his divorce papers. been happy for a long time, But they had grew apart a few yrs. before he left so He must have been ready to move on. It was a major issue for me but I didn't bother him with it, I was affraid for a long time that he may have been on the rebound" But I loved him enough to except the fact of what ifs, I would have never intered a relationship with him If I didnt believe in what we had!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Thanks these are all great answers....for me it was to soon and for me like the response of let one relationship end/settle before entering a new one. Most of the friendships I had at the time I ended as well....namely because after going through it was saddened that I was not advised to at least be careful while doing this, in fact was very much encouraged with the exception of the hubby...he didn't say "Don't do it or else", in fact was just there for me in all it's up and downs (we've been together a long time)...and constantly reminded me to be careful in general and more careful about jumping to divorce with him to escape all I was going through at the time. Maybe why he is still around and everyone else involved is gone. We split due to ridiculously long work hours on both parts and no time with each other and kiddos....we're financially tight to say the least now, I'm SAHM and pretty much works for himself now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Like I said above financially tight, giving up a lot and it's been hard, but emotionally tight and secure are better for me I found. I'm grateful that I at least now know I have one true friend that will stick by me no matter what.....and that the rest just doesn't matter anymore.....because of my own experience don't think I could/can ever ignore, encourage, or advise anyone to date much less have a full blown relationship before a divorce is final,,,,I now agree with whomever said it always ends badly for all.....I'm sure there are a few exceptions to the rule, but don't know if it's worth gambling/risking for those very few exceptions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • As for me, I agree! I did take a chance but there wasn't anything in our way, He was very committed an even puposed which I didn't even respond to, He was head over heals in love with me, But No way I wouldn't recomend it Thats a personal issue that someone should no to stay away from causing or being the PROBLEM! And the few exceptions, I believe you know in your heart what your getting in to an if is real!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I will admit I'm super curious as to how he handled you ignoring his proposal as well how that made you feel being proposed to without (I'm assuming here) his/your divorce being final. Not going to ask though and don't really want the answer. I guess I wouldn't recommend it mostly because it just takes a long time to get to know someone, even if you think you knew them before (how does divorce happen if this isn't true....lol)....things can seem very real in any relationship in the beginning even with out any other problems in the way, then go south.....there are so many things, circumstances, and details that take two people to really work out together.....so basically think you're right as far as it ultimately has to be the two in the relationship to decide. I'm not going to agree that all that end up in bad relationships/situations "knew what was real" only because that's like saying they're stupid and solely their fault.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.