Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I can't believe this is happening. What would you all do?

My ex husband quit or was forced to quit his job August 7th of this year. He was able to give me child support payments until the end of October. Then I haven't gotten anything since then. I've been working really hard, going to school and I have my son 3 weeks out of each month. Luckily things haven't been too bad but now I have to buy some clothes for him for the cold weather and I don't have the money. My ex went on two trips for a week to two different states for school. This is what I was told. He kept saying he doesn't have a job. He's been paying for his girlfriend and her kids for their food and electric. So then I find out that he's been dressing in a shirt and tie for a while but he still claims he doesn't have a job. I think he's working and getting paid under the table so he doesn't have to pay child support.

He sent me a text yesterday saying he'd give me $100 tomorrow and by the way can I borrow out son for a Christmas party tonight. Granted this is a night that is not his night. When he dropped my son off from the party, he tells me he didn't get paid today like he thought and doesn't have anything for me. Very convenient that he tells me this after the favor is done. All this time he's been saying he has no job so to hear that he didn't get paid today like he had though just steams me. What would you do? Sorry if this is confusing. I'm pretty pissed right now.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Dec. 11, 2015 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • If my child needed clothes and I didn't have the money I could still get him some clothes. Family members, friends, freecycle, Facebook yard sale. Sell unwanted stuff I have at home. I wouldn't wait for an irresponsible man to give me money.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 8:59 PM on Dec. 11, 2015

  • Good for you. That's why I'm in school to make a better living.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:21 PM on Dec. 11, 2015

  • Do you not have parents or siblings?

    I am sure that you have a DS order? Be sure to contact family services and tell them what he told you and what you have observed. They may need to file with a judge but at the very least the will reroute his tax return to you for back child support. Not the greatest choice but you can also contact various charities/thrift stores and see if you can get some help on clothes for your child.

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:03 PM on Dec. 11, 2015

  • I do have parents and siblings. They are not supportive since I couldn't afford to go to my sister's wedding a couple of years ago in California. They've pretty much treated me like an outsider. They are toxic so i don't even bother with them.That's a long story.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:33 PM on Dec. 11, 2015

  • What would I do about which part? The clothing? You've had suggestions for finding what you need.

    The rest? Back to court. Get the visitation changed if he's not living up to his responsibilities. At the moment he's sounding more like a sperm donor than a father.

    Good luck with your classes. That's the most important thing; I was raised to believe one should have the education and job before having kids.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:53 PM on Dec. 11, 2015

  • I have a great job as a massage therapist. I love helping people but with all the red tape it's not lucrative anymore. Thanks you the advice.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:58 PM on Dec. 11, 2015

  • I'm asking would you tell on your ex to the child support enforcement agency or just figure out how to get more money on your own?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:03 AM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • It's good that you have a child support order in place. Did you know that any money he gives directly to you could be considered a gift, since it's not being processed thru proper channels? Anyway, I would absolutely contact the CS agency & alert them to your concerns. Problem is, they are so inundated, that unless you have the name of his employer, they might not be able to look into it. And if he's getting paid under the table, that is hard to prove as well. If he files taxes this year, you should get a portion of his return.

    In the meantime, I'd do what others have suggested & go to a children's resale shop, Good Will, Salvation Army, or garage sales to get him clothes. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:33 AM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • Yard sales often have children's clothes for very cheap. Freecycle sometimes has bags of children's clothes for free.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:03 AM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • I personally would stop depending on CS to live on. Live on your own money and CS should be extra money to save for emergencies. Sounds like it is time for you to go over your bills and see what you can cut or downsize.
    You can go and force him to pay thre the courts.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:13 PM on Dec. 12, 2015

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.