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Tried of kissing bum

I have tried to be there to the best of my ability for my SO through his struggle to see his kids and I'm sick of it. We had an argument and I said "*beep* you and *beep* your kids too". He took it as I really meant *beep* his kids and I meant it as I'm sick of the struggle relating to them. I'm sick of the struggle he has with the mom, i'm sick of the struggle he has with his kids (them talking to him and not just wanting something from him), I'm sick of being locked out of it. I understand I have no control over that situation but I hate not being a part of his life. My mother went through a similar situation so I can understand his situation but geesh. I'm on his side and he thinks I'm not. I'm not going to continue to kiss his butt because I gave it my all. Seems like he takes my love for him as a threat to them.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Dec. 12, 2015 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Probably time to walk away, at least for a break. He's not in a place where he can manage both relationships.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:32 AM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • What do you plan to do?
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 10:32 AM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • yeah I have thought that, he has to please his kids, he has to please his ex so he can see his kids, maintain his responsibilities at work, and please me. I'm the last one so I gotta go. Hurts because I really cared, tried, and will miss him. I have always been trying to avoid saying something like that about his kids because I now he is uber sensitive but it just came out. I accepted him when he looked like nothing, had nothing, and felt like nothing...now he looks way better, in a better position, and treats me as if I'm not the reason for his transformation. That hurts because I have my own child and goals. I included him...I went out of my comfort zone because he made me happy and now...he said he will leave tonight because he gets will have some money. I will probably go to my sisters house because if he goes I don't want to see it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:03 AM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • If he has a court order he doesn't have to go out of his way to see his children, simply follow it to the letter. If he doesn't have a court order then it's time he did.
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 11:18 AM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • A lawyer told him it's not worth it because he will get hit with so many fee's and penalties. I feel bad because he loves his children. I see his devotional side to them and would have loved to see it in action. I know him as so many other things but not that.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:51 AM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • Well, if there are aspects of this relationship that are causing stress, and don't look like they're going to get better any time soon, it probably is best to walk away now. He sounds like he has enough on his plate & is not able to devote much time to the relationship w/ you. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 3:28 PM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • "A lawyer told him it's not worth it because he will get hit with so many fee's and penalties."

    That is a red flag to me... a real father is willing to go through all that to be able to see his kids. A Real Dad walks through FIRE for his kids.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:37 PM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • It is true men get the dog end of the stick in custody cases. He tries to work it out with her but she just wants him miserable and money. I told him that a long time ago...since he felt like I was in the way of seeing his kids he can go. He came home asking for a basket to put stuff in and I said I don't know where they are he sat down and talked. I love him it's just that situation is a nightmare...he should have never involved me in his life if he couldn't love me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:07 PM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • If he has not went to court for CS yet. What ever he is giving her will not count. Had that happen to a friend of my DH.
    You don't say how many years you have been dealing with this?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:05 PM on Dec. 12, 2015

  • It sounds like you need to find someone else.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:39 PM on Dec. 12, 2015

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