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2 Bumps

What would you do about this situation?

Ok so it all started when I met this guy I was with him for a short time and only met him, because he was kind of a drifter/user and his family was in different states. Anyway I got pregnant and he fled a 1,000 miles away and quickly got married and he only kept in contact here and there then his mom found out and was also in contact here and there.

So I had a baby girl and since this guy and I briefly knew each other his mother kept going back and forth on if she wanted to be her grandma or not. Well time went by and she decided ok yes she's her grandma and even when passing through town asked to meet her so I agreed. (They even acknowledged her in a relatives obituary) Well then a month passes and this time it's "grandma" coming through town again but also has my daughters dad (he has never met her so this would be first time) AND his wife

I agreed to it if everyone could get along and that I would be present during this meeting (my daughter is only 4 months old and I don't knew these people well) WELL then it turned into his wife not feeling comfortable around me and why couldn't they sit with the baby somewhere and I go away and be within eye view of them and all these excuses came up so when I stood my ground saying it will be this way or not at all my daughters "grandma" starting talking bad about me and my decisions and so on to me and I said id think on it and let her know

I decided to call off the meeting because it wasn't about my daughter meeting her father for the first time anymore it was becoming about them...well now all of them are no longer speaking to me, they've blocked me in all ways possible

This whole thing is just eating me up inside because my daughter doesn't deserve this and I know she doesn't realize anything now but one day she will and all this makes me sad/angry/frustrated/confused etc

What do I do? How can I stop the feeling of all this and do I leave an open door for them to come back into her life or walk away?

Thanks for your time in reading this

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Dec. 19, 2015 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • They sound very toxic and unstable. I'd leave things as they are, there will come a day when she wants to know more about her biological father. Until then, move on.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:10 AM on Dec. 19, 2015

  • I'd keep your distance, but make sure you have a custody /support order drawn up to make sure you have legal rights in case they would ever try to see her again.

    Answer by PGA at 2:39 AM on Dec. 19, 2015

  • You make the situation official and get a court order to protect your rights and your child's rights. As things stand, he is the child's father and if he decided to prove that with a DNA test he'd have as much right to her as you do. Just imagine what would happen if his wife decided she'd be a better mother than you and pushed him to take your daughter... Get a court order defining visitation and support NOW.

    Also, stop listening to your ex's mother wittering on about whether she wants to be a grandmother or not, she IS A grandmother.

    Answer by goldpandora at 5:13 AM on Dec. 19, 2015

  • Stop talking to them.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 7:18 AM on Dec. 19, 2015

  • They did you a favor. Eliminate all of them forever. Nothing good will come from any of them.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 9:32 AM on Dec. 19, 2015

  • I think it's better for her to not have anything to do with them, instead of being stuck in the middle of the toxic games they play.

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 10:06 AM on Dec. 19, 2015

  • The fact that they wanted to meet with the baby without you there rings a strong warning bell. Until this, I could see yes the child is part of their biological inheritance and of course they want to get to know her and love her, but it would not be in her best interests for you not to be there, too. I'm afraid I have to say that you should go your own way with the baby. Although financial support for the child from the bio father is something he should provide.

    Answer by Bmat at 11:40 AM on Dec. 19, 2015

  • Be happy they don't want to talk to you. If I were you I would block them. Untell the dad did the court thing.

    Answer by louise2 at 11:59 AM on Dec. 19, 2015

  • Sounds like you are better off without them in your lives!! Totally agree with other's here.... get it all buttoned up tight in a court order. He either pays child support or signs away his rights so you can be free and clear of that mess!! NO WAY they should have unsupervised visits, especially if they have never met her!!!

    Answer by Ramble_on at 2:33 PM on Dec. 19, 2015

  • I sincerely hope that you have a custody order and a child support order in place.
    I would keep them at as much distance as I possibly could, personally. If they choose to stay out of her life them she will not have known them to miss them anyway.
    You can always hope for the best.
    If you do not have the custody order (at the very least ) in place, do that without delay.

    Answer by Dardenella at 9:32 PM on Dec. 19, 2015

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