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Women with no mothers

How do you think that has shaped your identity?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Dec. 28, 2015 in General Parenting

Answers (3)
  • I am assuming you mean as a young person. I lost mine when I was in my 40's. so not the same thing.
    I think children need both male and female influences in their lives. It does not have to be parents. It can be grandparents or aunts and uncles etc. I would think it would be very hard not to have some definite female role model in your life.

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:01 PM on Dec. 28, 2015

  • My mother died when I was 37. This has meant that I didn't have my mom as a resource or support during the majority of my own parenting years. She was not really available when my first child was born (I was 33 then) because she was really struggling with her health & with my dad's recent death. And she died when my younger twins were not quite 3 months old.
    I think this influenced my experience as a mother but not my "identity" the way not having a mom while growing up could.

    It is important for children to experience being loved unconditionally, and to have their emotional experience (whatever it is) validated. So...losing a mother or other primary caregiver is not automatically (or unavoidably) devastating in terms of development & identify IF a child has support to process all their emotions around the loss, and around their other experiences growing up. This kind of support is not the norm so people end up traumatized.

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:28 PM on Dec. 28, 2015

  • My mother abandoned me before I was a year old. She's never been a part of my life, even when she lived a few doors down. She expected ME to initiate contact, and got pissed when I didn't jump for joy that she was so close (I was a teen/adult by then).

    I have had a couple of mother figures in my life. First was my grandmother. She died when I was 16. Another was a family friend that I met when I was around 12. She would talk all this talk about how I was the daughter she never had, but when it came time for family vacations, I was never a part of them. I still feel betrayed by that. The last one is my MIL. She's an awesome person, but there are things I won't talk with her about, it would be too awkward.

    Having been raised by a male, I find it easier to get along with guys. I get them easier than I do chicks. I'm such a tomboy too.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 6:54 PM on Dec. 28, 2015

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