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For birth mothers-If the potential adoptive family has a child with developmental delays, would that affect your decision to place with them?

We really want to adopt, but we a child that has been diagnosed with mild autism. We don't want to put it in our adoption profile, but we would be willing to talk to a possible birth mother about it one-on-one. He is doing really well with diet and therapy and his outlook is great. Would this be a deal-breaker for you?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Feb. 23, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (8)
  • I wouldn't place with you if I thought you had your hands full, that's the snap judgment I'd make if I read it in a profile. If I met you and I thought you were a warm caring person, the right person, it wouldn't matter.

    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 3:07 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • no it wouldnt affect my decision at all. my son has septo optic dysplasia. he is blind in his left eye and developmentally delayed as well. he has been in therapy since he was 6 months old and is finally doing good. but it has been a long hard road.
    IMO it doesnt look bad on you because your son is autistic. if i were to give a child to a family then i would not hesitate to give it to a family like yours. good luck :D
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 3:10 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Yes, that would. I have to be honest. I would want my child to be in a family where she is the only child and that their vision they have is either my child being their only child or adopting again later a sibling of the opposite gender. That is me. I know not everyone has that same feeling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:30 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Honestly yes it would. I wanted my son to have a sibling he could hang out with, bond with and be close to. Autism may not necessarily prevent those things, but there are so many families that want our babies I'd just move onto the next. Also I'd be worried my child would be neglected because the special needs child would take up too much of your time. Again may not necessarily be true, but I'd pass up on your profile.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:37 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • If I got past your profile & met with you only to discover you had not been upfront about the situation in your profile, THAT would be the deal breaker for me. Not that you have an autistic child but that you wont mention it in the profile for fear you would be passed up because of it. Honesty counts. I wouldn't want someone raising my child who would hide something until they thought the time was right to say something (or perhaps never say something).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I am adopted, not a birth mother but I can still fathom an answer imagining myself in a bmom's place. The deal-breaker for me would be choosing to contact you and then finding you didn't tell me everything upfront. Bmoms can get attached to the families they meet on profiles, giving up their child is a huge emotional deal. Don't disappoint someone by deceiving (and not telling the whole truth IS deceiving) them and letting them know once you've met them more personally. You put them in a very awkward position that way and they're not going to give their child to someone that they question their ability to trust. To me, as long as it seemed like you had your ducks in a row and my child would not be on a "back burner" due to your child, no, it would not be a deal-breaker.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I too, would have to take into serious thought of considering your home for placement. Not because of a child with autism, but the amount of care, and attention a special needs child requires. On the other hand what a way for a child to learn compassion and unconditional love. I just have no answer for you, it is one only a person whom is being presented this situation, who could decide. C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 4:29 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Be honest & up front about everything from the begining. People judge us all the time & cannot understand how or why we are considered for the adoptions that we have completed, until they spend a day or two with us, then they get it. We have had home studies that lasted 4 hours plus and then he came back 2 more times because on paper we do not "fit" the typical family unit ! How is it possible ? It just is & it works. We have kids with academic acheivments & kids whose lives require 24 care, but to be honest it is the special needs children that are "easier" to care for than the able body children. The special needs children are non-verbal - they don't answer back, they are nonamblitory - I always know where they are, they are tube fed - I don't have to cook or deal with picky eaters and they are developementally delayed - physical & mental growth is very slow- your baby stays a baby for a long time.
    danielle808

    Answer by danielle808 at 8:08 PM on Feb. 25, 2009

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