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Question...

so, i really am asking this for my friend....Her mom a last year in late august had an aneurysm...she was hospitalized, and shes now living with my friend and her hubby. Her mom dosent feel safe living on her own...she terrified of having another one and dying alone. sooooo, she lives with my friend. Friends hubby isnt thrilled with the situation, and often spends a lot of time in the garage or bedroom, because her mom stays in the living room (with her daughter, his wife)...question is how does my friend tell her mom to go in her room some so she can spend time with her husband...she says mom will be hurt and feel unwanted....im asking so she has some outside third party points of view......and GO!!!!! LOL THANKS.

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SLC3015

Asked by SLC3015 at 9:51 PM on Apr. 6, 2016 in Relationships

Level 21 (11,047 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • If the husband is away from the home all day and she spends most of the day with her Mother she can tell her Mother after dinner it's time for her to spend with her husband. If Mom doesn't have a tv for her room, buy one. Find groups in the area for people her age so she can have friends to spend some time with.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 10:31 PM on Apr. 6, 2016

  • It occurs to me they also have a bedroom...

    But really, more concerning for me than their privacy is Mom's mental state. An aneurysm is a scary thing, and her fear isn't unreasonable even if her response to it is at least a little so. This is a good time for your friend and her mom to talk with Mom's doctor about follow-up care, possible assisted living and maybe some counseling to deal with the fear.

    Virginiamama's ideas are all good ones, but this is a 24/7 type of fear and Mom needs to learn to cope with it. She may never have another aneurysm again, but it's still less than a year since the previous incident and that's really not a lot of time, even if it's trying for the daughter.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:17 AM on Apr. 7, 2016

  • yes you both are right...mom does have a tv and cable..but she dosent want to be in her room alone...but falls asleep in the living room while they are there....she went to the doc and shes ok...i told her to bring up to her mom that she was married too and would she like her husbands mom to be on top of them 24/7?...my friend has a sister that lives an hour away..she cant really help.
    SLC3015

    Comment by SLC3015 (original poster) at 8:23 AM on Apr. 7, 2016

  • and i forgot...my friend works everyday...8-4...when she comes home shes with her mom til mom goes in her room...9 or 10 at night.
    SLC3015

    Comment by SLC3015 (original poster) at 8:25 AM on Apr. 7, 2016

  • I am sorry, what a sad situation. They need to make sure mom has a comfortable sitting area, with TV and DVR in her room, even if it means adding on to the house. Or they can tell mom they are going to bed early and go to their own room, where they should have a sitting area and TV maybe.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:25 AM on Apr. 7, 2016

  • The mom needs some counseling to deal with her fear. Very normal to be concerned, but not normal to live in fear and impose that feeling on others.
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 9:31 AM on Apr. 7, 2016

  • They should go to counseling together, the mother needs to get over her fear, and the daughter needs some boundaries between caregiving, and wifegiving.
    weaselpecker

    Answer by weaselpecker at 12:35 PM on Apr. 7, 2016

  • Time to find other relatives to share in the care and entertainment of this woman. And some counseling couldn't hurt either. Her fears are founded. But I'm sure she wouldn't want to feel like a burden, or someone who's in the way either. They can't always go hide out in their room when they want to spend time alone. I like the idea of a Senior Center, so she can meet new people and start building herself a social life.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:36 PM on Apr. 7, 2016

  • They rent so they cant add on to the house..they have been trying to find a house they all fit in but cant find one they can afford or that fits their needs...they want a house with a mil suite...but i asked her last night if she thought her mom would even use it.....she thinks if her moms furniture and things were in it she would....so who knows.
    SLC3015

    Comment by SLC3015 (original poster) at 6:03 PM on Apr. 7, 2016

  • Maybe the wife/daughter need to just go were her DH is. Does mom have a tv in her room?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:22 AM on Apr. 8, 2016

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