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Get him to help?

Hey ladies my husband can be very lazy. We have a 16 month old at home and I'm currently 35wks pregnant with our second. I can't get him to do anything to help me. I can't get him to clean or cook or even help take care of our daughter. I have talked to him about it and I have even left him for a while, and every time that happened he says he is going to help so I come home and he's really good for about a week but then slips back into his old ways. I guess my question would be how do I get him to start helping me more because me leaving him doesn't work.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Feb. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Sorry but suck it up and deal with it. Men don't change.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Your options appear to be:
    1. Leave, and stay gone this time.
    2. Accept him as he is and find other solutions to your problems.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Yes, I agree with Anon 3:45pm.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I came home after having our third child to a sink full of dirty dishes. Men find ways of playing games, you have to find a way, too. Mine knows if he pisses me off, I clean a lot. Stop washing his clothes, stop cooking for him, stop cleaning after him. I'm sorry, don't know what else to say. I'm lucky, I can bully my hubby. No, he's not a weiny, I'm just mean.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 4:48 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • If he works full time and does house and vehicle maintenance then he probably feels that he does his share already. Perhaps he also does the banking and gasses up the cars and other chores. Regardless, you are entitled to a break from your full time job, too. So try to arrange with him for some time off every week - an evening, for example. or Saturday or Sunday morning. And he should take care of the little one then. If this is a big enough issue for you, then you and he should get counseling.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:51 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Men will change this type of habit but you cannot force it on them...my dh was the same way. I came home from work, cooked, cleaned, got the kids ready for bath, bed, the whole nine yards...once I began to let things go because I refused to be a maid, he began to pitch in...now he helps with laundry and washes the dishes for me...this took years for him to realize...so the way I look at it, you either hang in there with him (if this is the only complaint) or you begin to let household chores slide, until you are capable of doing them...don't stress over him not helping because it will not help you in the long run...good luck
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:59 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • I gave up trying to get my DH to clean anything around the house. But there is one thing..If he ever has the nerve to say,,"why is this dirty",,,I will tell him,,,"you want it clean, do it your self. He shuts up quick. He wants me to clean something for him ,,,he asks nicely or does it himself.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:01 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • There is a good book explaining to wives why men cheat. It was featured on Oprah not long ago. One of the reasons is that wives expect men to work all day, mow the yard, fix the cars, then come home and do the housework and care for the babies too. Some women expect so much from these guys. Do you think men throughout history did it all? If so, what would he need a wife for? Cut the man some slack and get a friend or a family member to come help like women have been doing throughout history. Geez, I had 3 small children and had to do it all myself without him helping and had no friends or family but I did it. Women are just so spoiled nowadays, they want to sit home and then whine "oh woe is me, he won't help me do my own job". Quit getting pregnant if you can't care for your children and your household. Wait until you can afford a nanny.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:25 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Men will be men. Tell him if he doesn't start helping you around the house and with the kids that you are going to leave him for good. Not this 1week stuff. Men need to be told/made to do things or they wont do them. Like with the laundry, Ask him to help you. Tell him next laundry load you can do, please. If he doesn't do it. Wash you and your daughters laundry, and leave his. If he isn't going to help you. He will need clean laundry eventually-and will hopefully get to the point where he will help you because he'll have nothing to wear if you don't do his laundry.I have a hard time getting my hubby to help me with the laundry-So when I am ready to do laundry I ask him to carry it down for me and when it is done ask him to carry it back up. That way he is still helping somewhat. They need to be motivated and reminded 24/7 about the things that they have to do.
    kathynej7142007

    Answer by kathynej7142007 at 5:39 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

  • Does he work? Are you a sahm? If yes then he is helping. He's doing what he's supposed to do and so should you.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 10:24 PM on Feb. 23, 2009

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