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My mom passed away a year ago last Feb. Only had a $5000. life insurance policy, but her funeral cost was $6500. My stepdad was struggling to pay bills & medications on what little he draws a month, so i finished paying for her funeral.
And 2 months ago, I paid for mom's tomb stone for the grave another $930. for that. My half-sister didn't have to help pay for anything, she is a druggie who lives with a druggie, who don't work or have no money.
My stepdad's life ins. policy is for only $5000. as well.
We all know who is going to have to pay for the rest of his funeral cost, plus the other $100. to have his death date carved into his & mom's stone.
My stepdad owns a modular home about 11 years old, sitting on about 4.5 acres of land, next door to me.
Me & my sister either one wants the homeplace, we can't pay taxes ect. to keep it. So my stepdad told me last night he wants to put on the will that the home & property be sold & right off the top, i am to be paid back (half) of the money i will have spent on their funeral costs & grave stone cost ect. which will be my (sister's half). Then after that, the rest of the money that i get out of the property will be split 50/50 between my sister & me.
I will also be the one who will have to clean up the house, rip up carpet in the den, & put down new floor, and put it up for sale. I will be the one spending money on the house just to make it presentable to sale.
My stepdad told me to keep a record of how much i spend total on the funerals and on the house ect. and collect (half) of that back out of the money i get out of the home & property. BUT i am thinking, since my half-sister is not going to be spending any money out of her pocket, & she is not going to have to go thru the hassle of having to sale it, I have had to spend money out of my pocket to help pay for their funeral costs & grave stone, that i shouldn't have had to pay. Mom & dad should have had a better policy that that. I am thinking i should get paid back in FULL of total of what i spend out of my pocket, before they split the rest 50/50.
I think that would be more fair. Especially since i am the only one who paid & will be paying money out of my pocket, plus being the one who will be cleaning & fixing up the home to sale & will be selling it. My half-sister will not have to do anything except lay back & wait around to collect her half of the money.
Not fair! Any comments?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:55 AM on Mar. 3, 2017 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I agree w/ you. You need keep receipts for all expenditures and talk to a probate attorney about this. Why should you only get half of what you've paid out? Esp. since she will probably spend whatever money she gets on drugs. GL


    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:50 AM on Mar. 3, 2017

  • If he doesn't put these wishes on paper with a lawyer, legal like. You can do anything you want with the money.
    If it was me I would take all the money I put into the house and funerals. Before I split the money in half.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:03 AM on Mar. 3, 2017

  • He should change his will legally. Consult an attorney.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:12 AM on Mar. 3, 2017

  • Any costs related to the sale of the place should come out if his money, the closing costs do too, and whatever remains gets split with your sister. If he writes his own will it has to be notarized and /or witnessed according to your state's laws. Best to have a lawyer do it if he can afford it. GL

    Answer by silverbuttons at 11:17 AM on Mar. 3, 2017

  • He does not have a will yet. But he is going to get a lawyer of my choice, but i am the one who has to pay for the lawyer. But i do not have any receipts to prove that i game my stepdad some money on the funeral, and i sit there in that grave tombstone office & paid in full the full amount of money for mom's tombstone and sit there like an idiot and let them put my stepdad's name on the receipt like he pad for it. I don't know if i can handle the money myself & take out the money i paid out, before the money is split. I will probably get the short end of the stick,

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:17 PM on Mar. 3, 2017

  • I agree with you. All of the funeral costs should come from the estate and you should be able to "charge the estate for the money to pay you back what you spent on your mother. Those are bills and they are not your responsibility but it is the estate's. The estate is anything he owns ore is due to him (life insurance). If the house has to be fixed before the sale or have two options. either you do nothing and sell as is and take a much less amount or you charge the estate for the entire amount to fix it up. Who is the executor of his will? The executor also is allowed to charge the estate a certain amount (depending on the state) for being and doing the work of the executor.
    You are not required to put a single dime into the debts of your parents unless you yourself incur the debt.
    You might want to look into taking an insurance policy out on him yourself. He does not even have to know that you have done it.

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:11 AM on Mar. 4, 2017

  • No you do not have to pay for a lawyer for him. It can got to probate. If I were you I would call a lawyer for myself and ask him about all of this. If your dad dies without a will what happens. If your dad simply writes out his will and gives it to you what happens? etc.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 AM on Mar. 4, 2017

  • If he dies without a will, then probably all of the estate will go to his bio children. My half-sister and my 3 step-sisters. I am only his step-daughter, and his estate would go to his next of kin, which is his 4 daughters. But now, he don't want his oldest 3 children to get anything, since they have not seen him in years.
    My stepdad, has a 2nd morgage on the property, i don't know how much he owes, but it's alot. The payments are $380. a month, and another personal loan is $148. a month. I am betting since he has these 2 loans, that after the property is sold & loans are paid off, there will not be alot left.
    I am wondering, tho how can we sell property that is collateral for a 2nd morgage? And when my stepdad die, will i have to pay the loan payment on the property to keep the bank from taking it? Or can the real estate pay off the loan before putting property up for sale? I can't afford those payments

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:00 AM on Mar. 4, 2017

  • After seeing your last post, it is of the utmost importance that he has a will drawn up ASAP. See if he will allow you to go with him so you can discuss your concerns with the lawyer. If he won't, then you need to seek your own attorney to help you sort it all out. You should not have to pay anything out of your own pocket for bills incurred by the estate.


    Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:55 PM on Mar. 4, 2017

  • When a house is sold all the loans against it get paid off first at the closing. I agree with Mrsmom that you and he need to get to a lawyer. Also, I have read that it is best to leave a small amount, like $10 even, to someone you don't want to get much. That way it is clear they were not to get a bigger amount. GL

    Answer by silverbuttons at 6:47 PM on Mar. 4, 2017

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