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I'm so sick of toxic family members. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

I'm doing the best that I can. I've been a single mom for 11 1/2 years. I bust my butt to make sure my son has what he needs and I just finished school so the past 3 years I had to juggle school, a full time job and having my son most of the time. It was definitely a challenge and this past December I finally graduated. Now I'm still busting my butt but I'm looking for a new job to start my career and I've been unsuccessful so far. I'm still going to keep trying. I"m also having to study as much as possible for a certification exam I need to take next month. This will ensure me getting a better job.

So my sister and I have never been close. The short version is she talks to me like I'm an idiot, she's always right and it's always my fault. So apparently she came into town at the end of February. She talked about it on FB but I didn't know the exact dates. There was no phone call or text to me saying when she'd be here.

So when she came and went, my dad yelled at me. He said I missed her AGAIN and I needed to stop what I was doing because it would be a shame to have my son miss her visits. AGREED!!!!...So I told him how can I miss her. I never knew when she was coming. I also said what I've been doing is studying for my exam while I work my butt off for my son and that, to use his words, I'm doing the best that I can and if there's anyone that doesn't like it can F..Off. That is what he told me to tell my sister when she said I was being disrespectful to my parents one year because I couldn't afford Christmas presents. That's another issue. So I'm sick and tired of getting yelled at for something I'm not doing. My dad has this way of texting me one liners that just gets under my skin. How do you deal with toxic family members? I was so upset that I was crying at work and I couldn't concentrate on studying

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Mar. 5, 2017 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I am sorry you have this upset in your already very busy and stressful life. It sounds as though you are doing very well (Congratulations on your graduation, good luck on your certification.) You know you are a good, hard-working, person who cares about others and about bettering herself.
    The only person whose behavior we can control, though, is our own, and if your sister and father choose to treat you like this, what I have done in the past is to withdraw mentally from encounters with them, as though I am watching a movie- in other words, don't let them drag you into their unpleasantness. You could even tell your father that you find what he says unacceptable, or you can just realize this is the way he is and say to yourself "consider the source." Same with your sister, if she chooses to be thoughtless, shrug and let it go. Good luck!

    Answer by Bmat at 9:27 AM on Mar. 6, 2017

  • I would just inform sister to personally text you things you need to know. Because you are a very busy person and does not look a social media a lot. Tell dad to shove it.

    Answer by louise2 at 1:12 PM on Mar. 6, 2017

  • Just because you share DNA with someone, that does not give them unfettered access to you and/or your life. If they're toxic to you, cut them out of your life. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. No one is under any obligation to allow people in their lives that do not treat them that way.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:45 PM on Mar. 6, 2017

  • I agree w/ Bmat. You need to protect yourself from getting dragged into their psychological warfare. Be glad you are busy, and be glad your sister lives far away. You will be able to keep contact at a minimum and keep your sanity in the process.  I rarely have contact w/ my sister and am less stressed b/c of it.  She is a user and not trustworthy.  I'm better off keeping her at a distance.  

    Best of luck in your studies and your job search.  You are setting a fine example for your son.  :)


    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:03 PM on Mar. 6, 2017

  • Well, my experience with a toxic family member lasted over 20 years. I gave her repeated chance but like the little nerd on the beach, I finally had enough when she showed up at my son's memorial service to go watch a f*cking NASCAR race. She constantly promised that she would take him to meet the drivers and get their autographs. Never happened. We got the autographs.

    Bitch said that I would NEVER be happy in my life b/c I 'hate God' and my "pagan witchery" had made my life incredibly dark and meaningless. Basically saying that I was never happy with my son or my husband and never would be. 

    She is now referred to as "she who cannot be named" and I do not regret it at all. You do what you have to do.


    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 2:24 AM on Mar. 13, 2017

  • Thank you so much for your responses. It's helps extremely. Unfortunately this week is my dad's birthday. I have no desire to get him anything or call him to wish him a happy birthday. It's sad that his attitude towards me has caused this.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:04 PM on Mar. 13, 2017

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