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Not sure what to do

We finally got the call last night that I have figured would be coming for the last 3 years. My step daughter was beat up and DCS called. This was done in front of her 1 & 3 year old and mom didn't have a plan on what she was going to do so they hinted strongly about us taking the children. I don't know that I can do that again! By the time the youngest would graduate High School I would be 70! Not to mention that I don't think my mom who's in her 70's could handle babysitting that young again. She still watches my 3 oldest in the summer but they're 8, 9 & 11 and help her out around the house and in the garden.

Then I think about the options. If we don't take them in they would most likely be adopted out and since we are raising her 2 oldest they would never know their siblings. Granted they have never seen each other since they live several states away but they do talk to mom and sibling on the phone. They talk about wanting to see their siblings some day. If they were adopted this wouldn't happen.

DH has flat out said NO! But I don't know if I can live with that. What it would do to the kids. I know the time would come when they would ask "Why wouldn't you help our baby sister/brother?" How do you tell them because you couldn't when we actually could. It would just be hard.

I then come up with even if DH would change his mind and say yes the chances are that I would most likely end up raising them on my own for the last few years of high school. Most of the men on my husband's side of the family don't have a long life span. He has one uncle that is in his late 70's but the rest have died in their late 50's/early 60's. I've thought of various options and can come up with another babysitter but it would also mean that I would have my morning commute split. Drop 2 off at new babysitter (my dh's neices house. She only watches preschoolers/baby's) then drive to my mom's with the 3 older ones. She enjoys having them help her in the summer. Then turn around and pick them all up again on the way home.

I know DH would be no help with the 2 youngest because he really doesn't do well with baby's. He's loving it that the boys are older now and they can work/play together doing "man" things. Our dd would love having a baby sister & brother. That's all she's ever wanted. She'll make a good mother someday.

I guess I'm torn in what to do. They're supposed to be calling me later today to late me know what is going to happen. I had told them I couldn't give them an answer that quick and they seemed to be ok with that. I figure they'll end up in foster care for a short time and pray that mom can get her act together and this all goes away but I just have this bad feeling.....

We do have plenty of room in our home for the kids. That's not a problem. DCS would make sure the kids had Medical cards and there is a Grandparent subsidy that helps with their expenses so that's not a big deal and of course they'd be on WIC for a few years. That would help but it doesn't solve the problem of actually raising 2 more children. I've raised my own 3 dd's and now raising 3 of our grandkids for the last 8 years. Now this. Not sure if I could do it or not. Maybe if they were older and in school it would be different but I'm just so unsure about all this.

So what would you do if you were me?

 
baconbits

Asked by baconbits at 9:42 AM on May. 18, 2017 in General Parenting

Level 26 (27,144 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • My first thought is OF COURSE I'd take them. But then I stopped to think about it. My middle was 7 when my youngest was born, and I often wonder what the hell I was thinking having another one. I love my 3 year old to death, but I do NOT want to start over again, ever.

    I think, if i were in your shoes, I'd feel obligated to take the kids, just so I knew they were in a safe house to grow up. I would love them to pieces, and do my best for them, but it would be more out of obligation, not true love.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 2:12 PM on May. 18, 2017

  • Like it or not. When it came down to living in foster care or living with us. I would take the kids.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:08 PM on May. 18, 2017

  • I can't imagine how hard this would be but I would take the children.
    DJDNY

    Answer by DJDNY at 7:49 PM on May. 18, 2017

  • What are the exact ages? I would say if there was a family who would take them and adopt them both if they are under 4 that's what I would want to do. The problem is I imagine they are wanting your SD to repair herself and get on parenting plans etc? If there is any hope they can be reunited with their mother, then you need to take them for now. I am not sure how to handle the summer, but I think they give you some kind of stipend for being a family foster care giver? That is too many children for your mother to watch. I am so sorry! I hope your SD get's her stuff together.
    weaselpecker

    Answer by weaselpecker at 4:22 PM on May. 18, 2017

  • I am totally useless when it comes to babies and toddlers but I couldn't live with myself if I let them go into foster care.
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 2:37 AM on May. 19, 2017

  • I would never let little babies go into foster care...ever. I would take them.
    RoboBuddy

    Answer by RoboBuddy at 9:05 AM on May. 19, 2017

  • If their mother wants to see them then she can move. She should anyway considering you already have the older children. Which, again, is why I would have to take the kids, if I were you. They shouldn't be lost from their siblings. Sometimes in life we have to do things that we don't want to do and step up for those who can't do for themselves. I would never forgive myself if I didn't.
    RoboBuddy

    Answer by RoboBuddy at 9:29 AM on May. 19, 2017

  • You have a good heart.

    I believe that I would take them.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:05 PM on May. 19, 2017

  • The kids are 1 & 3 with the 3 we are raising being 8, 9 and 11. They are already our second go round with raising kids and that doesn't include the 70+ foster kids we raised at one time. Anyhow...good news is that mom is in a safe place with the kids for now. She's supposed to be set up for counseling, getting a job, etc. The drugs they found in the home were hers & her daughters prescriptions for seizures which I guess is highly coveted on the black market which is why they told us they found drugs in the home. They said it was a good thing I told them about them both having seizures because of it. I'm praying that she gets her act together but I still figure that one day we'll get the call where they have actually removed them and want us to get them. I'm hoping that it will be after they are already in school. Even better that we never get the call. Thanks for all your comments.
    baconbits

    Comment by baconbits (original poster) at 8:49 AM on May. 19, 2017

  • Oh and I forgot to say the reason this would most likely have been permanent is that mom lives in FL and we're in OH. There's no way for her to work a plan and still see the kids. If that was what they wanted to do then unfortunately the kids would have to be in foster care in FL so they could still see their mom a couple times a week. There's only 1 aunt that lives in FL and she's not in great health let alone being able to keep up with a baby and toddler. Not ideal but better then never seeing her.
    baconbits

    Comment by baconbits (original poster) at 8:53 AM on May. 19, 2017