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How would you go about this?

I've been married for 18 yrs. I recently cheated on my dh. Things were not as happy anymore. He tells me...Oh so I pushed you to cheating? I of course say no, but I do believe he did, but still no reason to cheat.
He decided to work it out because he says he loves me. Even though he is making my life very difficult as to make me feel like shit be of what I've done.
Everyday he's asking me questions (that could be so annoying) but ok I'm the one who fucked up. When he ask me a question...I freeze I can not remember or don't want to say something I'll regret.
How can I fix this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:45 AM on May. 27, 2017 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Marriage counselling to work through this together. It doesn't sound like he'll ever let this go otherwise.


    Answer by goldpandora at 6:45 AM on May. 27, 2017

  • You already lied, so why not continue? It's what cheaters do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 AM on May. 27, 2017

  • I agree with marriage counseling. Not only is he keeping the blame fresh for you, he is holding on to his pain that was caused by the affair. I think a marriage counselor would be best prepared to guide the two of you through a healing process, but both of you have to be brutally honest with the counselor, each other and especially yourselves. It will be a lot of work.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:02 AM on May. 27, 2017

  • He made the choise to stay with you instead of divorce you? Well he need to let it go then.
    If I were you, I would just tell him. Just drop it. You either are going to stay with me or divorce me. Shop making my life miserable. I would tell him if he didn't stop with the torture, I will divorce you.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:44 AM on May. 27, 2017

  • How did your DH find out about the cheating?

    Answer by louise2 at 11:09 AM on May. 27, 2017

  • Here's the harsh truth: Most marriages do not survive cheating. And, if they do, they're never quite the same. As much as you may hate it, you're the one that broke your vows. You caused this. So, he is going to ask questions. If you can't handle it, end the marriage. But, if you want to stay with him then you two need marriage counseling.

    Answer by RoboBuddy at 12:53 PM on May. 27, 2017

  • Thank you RoboBuddy. I wanted to be blunt up there and tell it like it is. Once cheating occurs, you can do all the promising you want, or he could, but that trust can never be recovered. You will always find yourself doubting his word and he will do the same. I know it's rare today to remain faithful to one person, but it can be done. That, in my opinion, is why we decide to state those vows of marriage. If you can't keep them, don't get married.

    In love, there is a need to share our vulnerability, everything about our lives. You trust your partner to see you in all your flaws and he does the same. Cheating breaks that vulnerability and it can never be again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:33 AM on May. 28, 2017

  • He hasn't forgiven you since he is punishing you by asking the questions. Seek marriage counseling.

    Answer by Bmat at 11:06 AM on May. 28, 2017

  • It is very easy to say that he should forgive. Think of when you had some one seriously hurt you. Maybe you say I forgive you and you mean it. But it takes a very long time and hard work to actually forgive some one.
    You on the other hand sort of blame him at least it rings pretty clear to me in your OP.
    You have to own it . No matter what the other person does, it is our decision to cheat or stay faithful. He did not push you to do anything. It was your choice alone.
    You do not like that he asks you questions and you feel he does not trust you. Think if it were you (or it has been with a child or friend) did you just say OK I forgive you and totally trust them right away.
    Let me be graphic. You thrust a sword right through his heart and twisted it. That wound is not going to heal with a Band-Aid.
    Go to counseling.
    Maybe get a book called the Love Dare.
    Maybe you can find a reason for staying in your marriage.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:09 AM on May. 29, 2017

  • I agree with marriage counseling. You both have a lot invested in this marriage and must be willing to do the work to rebuild the damage caused by the affair. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 12:21 PM on May. 30, 2017

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