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I like my friend but not her kids.

A long time friend wanted to gift me her Samsung 7 phone because she upgraded to the 8. I needed the phone but was sort of hesitant to go because every time I go her boys (4) are bad. I went but had a plan to stay a short while and leave. Before coming I bought some fruit for the week for my kids and left it in the car. I'm hanging out with her I hear my son yelling outside. I ask him what's wrong and he says nothing. I get in my van to go and I look down and noticed my bag of fruit was gone. I asked my son and he told me her boys ate it. I was mad at my son for not telling me (he does have a speech delay) and really mad at her kids for going in my car and eating my stuff. I didn't know who to be mad at more. I told her and she said she was sorry and was going to correct them. I was able to replace my fruit and went home. Since then I don't want to go back over there and deal with those bad kids of her. She has invited me to a birthday party - I think at her house, this Sunday, has a bag of clothes she would like to give to me for my son, and wanted to go with me when I take a trip to the zoo.

I don't like those two older boys who went into my car and took my food. I don't care about their age that is a major violation to me. Kids know not to go into someone's car without permission. I don't know how to participate in the stuff she would like me to and not be put off by her kids. ***I sort of feel bad for her and don't want to be a meanie. She was shot 3 times by her ex (the kids father) who physically abused her for 13 years*** I don't want to be mean but I don't like kids that would engage in that type of behavior.

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Jazmineamomma

Asked by Jazmineamomma at 7:40 PM on Aug. 17, 2017 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,302 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I had a similar thing happened twice- liked the mom, didn't like the behavior of the children. I had to stop getting together with the mom.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:01 AM on Aug. 18, 2017

  • You will just have to give up your friend ship. People's kids are part of the package deal.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:19 AM on Aug. 18, 2017

  • That usually ends up with a lost friendship. I do not know their age but they could eat an entire weeks worth of fruit in a very short visit?
    Your son started to tell you and then said "nothing"
    You didn't lock your car doors?
    I do not know how old these kids are but most people lock their cars especially if they have stuff in the car.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 5:13 AM on Aug. 20, 2017

  • 1. Don't blame me. It's her bad butt kids fault. 2. I don't care if the car doors were wide open you don't go in anyone's car unless told too.
    Her kids 12 and 11. Yes they ate through it all. If you bothered to read I said my son has a speech delay so that does explain his short fall. Her kids are fine just bad. I think one of the sliding doors was unlocked but still doesn't explain why they got in and proceeded to eat what wasn't theirs. Right before I heard my son fussing I went o get some water from her fridge and she had nothing in the fridge besides the pitcher of water. I mean nothing...not even a box of baking soda. So they could have been really hungry. IDK and don't care none of it explains why they thought it was ok to go in my car and do that. I might have to muster up the courage and tell her I can take her and the two small ones on a trip to the zoo but not the oldest two.
    Jazmineamomma

    Comment by Jazmineamomma (original poster) at 10:20 AM on Aug. 20, 2017

  • This isn't the first time they have done something I dislike but this has been the most serious. smh
    Jazmineamomma

    Comment by Jazmineamomma (original poster) at 10:21 AM on Aug. 20, 2017

  • You car doors really should be locked. Have you tired talking to her? She seems like she wants to be a good friend. I mean she offered you a phone. Try to have a talk about your converns.
    DJDNY

    Answer by DJDNY at 1:26 PM on Aug. 20, 2017

  • Sounds like your friend needs a friend. One that understands what she is going thru. Sounds like her older boys take after their dad. You know what they are capable and need to prepare for it. Lock your doors. Keep your son with you. If you want to go to the zoo with your friend just let her know that you'd really rather make it about the little ones because the older boys would be bored with it. Go to the birthday party but lock your purse, etc. in the car so they can't get into anything. If the boys say/do anything just give them a look and say "Real men" don't act like that or Your mom really needs your help instead of you getting in trouble. You can't discipline them but you sure can give them a guilt trip and maybe get them to realize that their mom loves them but needs their help.

    If you really can't handle the older boys then you're going to have to make a choice. Personally I'd stick with my friend and help her.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 11:35 AM on Aug. 21, 2017

  • 11 and 12 should know better. Your son's speech delay has nothing to do with him not alerting you. He could have grabbed your arm and made gestures.
    The car should have been locked.
    A decent friend would have asked her if everything was ok and maybe did she need you to take her shopping or something.
    You know they are out of food and you do nothing but fume.
    Some consolation. they will be sick because if the haven't eaten (or even if they have) a great quantity of fruit will cause distress.
    And yes I am blaming you because you did not lock your doors.
    That does not mean they do not have blame for their actions.
    If your child was starving (and I do mean having not eaten for even 24 hours) would you get hysterical if they stole a piece of fruit?
    I bet not.
    I was always upset when mine took what did not belong to them BUT my kids did not ever have a refrigerator with no food unless it was moving day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 PM on Aug. 22, 2017

  • When I visit friends, i invite them for coffee at a coffee shop and I say that I'm not visiting your kids, I'm visiting you.
    DONNAOPULENTO

    Answer by DONNAOPULENTO at 3:14 PM on Aug. 29, 2017

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