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Sister Help?

My sister an her fmly have had no car we dont live near each other but offered to give them my second car but they went out and got one that has payments, My husband offered to sell them his second truck And my second car for 1,200 thats all, when he heard they were looking to buy something. The thing is Her Husband is out of a job an working odd jobs to make ends meet, which they already arent doing very well. She mentioned yesterday that she had a washer payment due an cant pay it. We all help them out and when they got the car, I said nothing at all But was Hoping they would let me Help them an not strap themselves down. I don't know what to say when it comes up that they are in need because I feel they should have excepted what I had and not what they are going to need later. What or How do I say NO Politly. Ive been avoiding her hints and they just got the car 2wks ago, now wanting money?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:55 AM on Feb. 24, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • My sister and her husband have struggled the entire time they have been together (20 yrs.) and they have bled the family dry over the course of these years. They never take anyones advice, they never try to do the smart thing, but they have been getting help for so long, that now they expect it. If this sounds like your sis at all I only have one piece of advice for you. STOP GIVING THEM MONEY NOW! They will get used to people helping them and they will come to rely on it. I'm not saying that you should never help them. But when you start helping with money, things get different. My sis and her hub finally had to take responsibility for their actions and grow up and figure out how to live. Just like the rest of us. Good luck
    GMR

    Answer by GMR at 9:36 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Just tell her no. I woudln't try to make it sweet. Don't start a fight over it but do tell her that you tried to help her out and she got herself into this mess. It is hard to turn family down, I know, but people will never stop relying on you and start making good choices until you cut them off.
    TilmannsGirl

    Answer by TilmannsGirl at 8:59 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I would continue to ignore her hints. And if she comes out and asks, then I would tell her that because they have used such poor judgment and have ignored the advice of the family, I have chosen not to help them any more. The idea of helping people is to guide them into getting back on their own feet. Unfortunately, they seem to have seen it as a means to keep on making wrong decisions and making their hole deeper. Tell her you will keep your eyes and ears open for a job that would be suitable.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:00 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I wouldn't just ignore the situation, I would confront it head on when given the change. When she is hinting for money, just say to her something like.."Maybe you should think about selling the car you just bought and buying something that you can afford to pay for up front."
    She will never learn to be responsible if people keep bailing her out. Is is one thing to help people once in a while, it is a whole other to continually help them pay their bills when they are not even trying to make smart money choices.
    Best of luck!
    NewMommyin06

    Answer by NewMommyin06 at 9:02 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • She will just ask daddy an thats not fair either, I called him yesterday an told him about my offer an he was like I told them to just get something to get them back an forth, I cant believe someone would sell them a car an him with NO JOB?? Somehow she needs to relize she cant depend on everyone eles ? THANKS!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Thats a good idea "NewMommyin06" Thanks
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • If they bought a used car, perhaps that was the way for them to go. Buying from family members isn't always a good idea. If something went wrong with the car it could cause family problems. So I think this may be what was going on in their minds. Perhaps they got the best car for the money that they could, and it will carry some warranty. So don't hold that against them. Now if they got a brand new and very expensive car, that's another story. So put the car issue aside. About the washer - if the car issue is out of the picture, what would you do then? Help her out or what? If the car issue is making you decide to not help, then it might be a good idea to rethink. If their car choice was really a foolish choice (a very expensive and fancy new car) then that's different.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:12 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Yes kinda was, I was going to GIVE MY Second car to them all they had to do was meet me half way, an that wouldnt have been a prob. my other sister would have came! I told them this long before income tax time because she said they were thinking of doing that. She said they spent all there money on the car and did not even pay a payment on the washer but said she wanted to pay it off, an its supose to be almost paid off anyway!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Guess she thought your FREE car wasn't good enough for them. I was wondering too, how did they finance a car if her husband is out of a job - does your sister work?

    I agree, that by always being there to bail them out, they will never learn to stand on their own two feet. If "daddy" wants to help them out, you may not think it's fair, but maybe he's not strong enough to turn down his daughter if he thinks she's in need.

    I would just try to avoid the subject of money with her. But if she continues to bring it up, just sympathize with her and say "I know what you mean, money's tight". Or flat out tell her that you can't help her anymore...that they need to "think before they buy", and they shouldn't expect someone else to help them out when they make bad choices. All choices have consequences. Good luck.
    ProudTxGrandma

    Answer by ProudTxGrandma at 9:49 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • NO she doesnt work! and he has been without a JOB since before christmas. Its realy beyond me why they didn't except it, maybe because we had told them before christmas we would look for them a car an help them buy it? He lost his job an we offered them mine so he could at least look for a job. I live to far away an everyone was taking them everywhere an very put out? My second car isn't even ten yrs old an No payments? crazy But Its a mystery to me she knows I would do what I could but I could say come USE my car! they have lost a few cars in the past an so what it it was bad if it was me Id be happy with 4 tires an a good motor! lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Feb. 24, 2009

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