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Should someone - anyone - have called me when my dad died?

Okay, I hated my dad. He was a bad dad and was never there for me. He lived in the same town I grew up in (20 minutes from where I live now) but I haven't seen him in years. His mother, my grandma, is still alive and his sister, my aunt. My mother read the death notice in the paper this morning and called me. No one else has contacted me at all. Do you think this is wrong or is it just me?

Answer Question

Asked by mommyonetheedge at 12:02 PM on Feb. 24, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • I think it's terrible!!! I hated my brother too but I still went to his funeral for my families sake.

    Answer by mom_wrhsc at 12:04 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • They should have called.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I think that's terrible! They should have notified you. You are still his relative.

    Answer by DDry at 12:05 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Even with you not having a relationship with him your family should still call you. Perhaps they are having a hard time with his death. Maybe they need some time.. Good Luck!

    Answer by ljlM at 12:06 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • They totally should have notified you. I'm sorry they didn't, my dad's family would probably do the same thing to me.

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 12:08 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Someone should have told you but then again you dont know what your dad might have said to them regarding that. If things were bad between you maybe he got his last jab when he died by saying not to tell you.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:09 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Someone did, your mom. It seems if you hated him that his famiy would feel pretty awkward at letting you know. How often do you see them? Do they even know how to reach you? They may not have wanted to put you on the spot, to suddenly be involved with them, or make you feel guilty somehow. They may not have had any wrong intentions, but now that you know, it's up to you on how you handle it. You look like an adult, sound pretty rational. Would you feel at ease, even with your mom there if she were willing to go with you, to see his family, or go to a funeral? It seems like even though you were angry at how he hurt you while he was alive, now that he is gone, you may be wishing things had been different & it's too late now. Do you have a right to be angry, You Betcha! But after you calm down, decide what happens next that will help you heal. Maybe say Goodbye somehow. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:09 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • If you haven't seen the family in years (Dad, Grandma and Aunt) it could be they have just written you off. I'm sorry...I know you hated your dad, but his death probably brings back the little child's wish he would have been a terrific dad to you and all that. You might grieve for the lack of a real good father-daughter relationship and now his death closed all possibility of that ever happening. That may be why you are angry no one called you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I am still in touch with my grandma. Me and my girls go over and visit her once every few months or so - not a whole lot - but often enough. She lives about 20 minutes away too.
    I'm not as much angry as I am in disbelief.

    Answer by mommyonetheedge at 12:20 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I want to say they should have called. but I just lost my aunt last week and it is very hard on the family. It's easy to overlook details and not call someone you think you should or not have time to look for the number. I really think you should have been called. However, if they haven't seen or heard from you in years then they may have assumed you didn't/wouldn't care. If I were you, I would do something to offer condolences to the family (flowers, card, phone call). They are having a hard time now, so try not to be too hurt b/c they didn't handle it as they could have.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

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