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When you can't even go to the bathroom...

I live with my in-laws. My dd is 14 months old, and when I need to leave the room to use the bathroom or make food, or grab a cup of coffee, she screams and cries and thrashes about. Now see in my beleif, she should be left to work her fit out. So now I cant even get up to go to the bathroom because if I do she throws these fits and the inlaws come bounding down the stairs to cater to her. They say to her things along the lines of "Im so sorry she left you in here alone again to cry." I hate hearing them say this stuff, like its neglect for me to leave the room for 2 minutes rather than pee myself. It has caused me depression and anxiety attacks. I feel like I am the worst mother alive. And I shouldnt have to feel that way. What do I do? How do I keep her from crying? And I cant tell them to leave her cry, then they proceed to threaten me that they will call CPS on me...

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tiffers32788

Asked by tiffers32788 at 4:05 PM on Feb. 24, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 5 (78 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Wow....your inlaws are so wrong! I'm sorry you have to live in that situation. What does your hubby say about all of this. He needs to stand up to his parents!

    Of course you can let the baby cry! I leave my son all the time to go get a drink or go pee! Heck, I let him cry himself to sleep sometimes. It's not abuse, a baby has to learn how to be somewhat independant. You cannot be there with her her whole life! I'd tell them to go ahead and call CPS......you aren't doing anything wrong. I might go one further and call CPS myself just to be sarcastic and have them talk to you MIL on the phone!

    Don't let them cause you any more anxiety hon. You are allowed to not wet your pants!
    Nika75

    Answer by Nika75 at 4:35 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Personally I would turn it on them when you have to go to the bathroom stand up and say "I gotta pee who's going to come play with the l.o.?" It's not like they can tell you not to pee! When you need a drink ask if they want to play with your dd or bring you a drink! I bet they get sick of it and realize how ridiculous they are being. As far as calling CPS they will laugh at them if this is all they have to call about so don't worry about it. Also my ds used to scream and pound on the door when I went to the bathroom,if I left the door open he would go in and claw or bite my thighs! This is a second seperation anxiety stage just tell your dd you are going to the bathroom and will be right back, sneaking out of the room questions trust.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • I never sneak out of the room. I always make it a point to get down on her level, look her in the eyes and tell her "Mommy needs to go use the potty, I will be back as soon as I am done." Although doing so seems to have no affect on her reaction. And I have tried turning it around on them. ha. when I did that they proceeded to lecture me on how I am an unfit parent and need to learn how to take care of my child on my own without their help. I never recall asking for or needing their help.
    tiffers32788

    Answer by tiffers32788 at 5:22 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • My son does the same thing to me- Although I let him cry - he is 15-1/2 months old and will bang on the door til I am done but I made it clear to my husband that he needs to let him do that. I always tell him where I am going and that Mommy will be right back but it never makes him not cry. No advice will help your inlaws stop this though - unless you have a lock on a door or your babies father talks to them. How about you call CPS yourself and ask if this is acceptable parenting so if they do threaten that, you can have a transcript for them to read ?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:56 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • My DD isn't really clingy like that, thank goodness. In my house, we pretty much leave the doors open when we go to the bathroom, so she's free to come and go as she pleases. Also, we live in a loft, so she can pretty much see me wherever I am in the apartment. Maybe just let your little one tag along with you, she can see where you go and not get upset. I'm sorry that your inlaw's are giving you so much grief. I would have my SO talk to them, they are his parents. Tell them that they really aren't helping the situation any, and that if they want to call CPS, fine, you aren't doing anything wrong. Let them see that they aren't intimidating you, which seems to be their motive.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:36 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

  • Blah...the joys of living with family...NOT. It's a tough spot you're in, and it really sucks! You have every single right to go to the bathroom on your own. My girl is almost 3, and I'm just now starting to enforce that. We've always had a very open door policy in our house as far as the bathroom, but now I'm not liking it so much, and feel like I should really be able to make a potty run on my own. It really sucks that they rush to her defense though. Regardless of their threats and lectures, which you kinda have to swallow as long as you are living in their home unfortunately. They're totally going against what you are trying to teach her. Talk to her daddy, ask him about it, and let him know how it is making you feel. He really needs to talk to them about it. Have you tried talking to them? Not in the moment, but maybe at a neutral time when no one is upset??
    ReadyorNot

    Answer by ReadyorNot at 8:47 PM on Feb. 24, 2009

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